Flames of Fear
by Erika
Summary: After a particularly traumatic mission, QuiGon Jinn and ObiWan Kenobi respond to a distress signal that will take them to a planet where ObiWan's fears will lead him to believe that he has failed his Master and himself.
1. Curtailed Recovery

Hi everyone!  I'm finally back with another story!  Actually, I finished writing this story quite a while ago, but I didn't post it 'cause I was planning on going back and changing/editing some stuff.  Since then I have gotten sidetracked with many other SW stories (all five of which are WIPs) and haven't gotten back to it.  I've meant to, several times, but it just hasn't happened.  Considering that, I've decided to post it as it is.  I wasn't going to change anything major, and instead I might write a short sequel.  *shrugs*  That might be a while though, 'cause I'm working on other stuff.

Anyway, this story starts off rather slowly but it does get more interesting (at least I hope it does!) so please keep reading (don't make me beg!)

Any and all typos are my fault and my fault alone...if you see any major ones that completely destroy the meaning of the sentence, please do tell me and I will change them. =D

Enjoy! (I hope!)

**_Title_:** Flames of Fear

**_Author_:** Erika

**_Rating_:** PG-13

**_Summary_:** After a particularly traumatic mission, Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi respond to a distress signal that will take them to a planet where Obi-Wan's fears will lead him to believe that he has failed his Master and himself.

**_Time Frame_:** Obi-Wan is 16

**_Spoilers_:** Minor ones for JA

**_Category_:** POV, angst, h/c, drama, no Obi-torture but he does get beat up a bit, non-slash

**_Disclaimers_:** The Star Wars universe and all of its characters belong to George Lucas, I'm only borrowing them to have a little fun and I promise to return them unharmed (well, at least mostly unharmed =0). I'm making no money from this and this is written for entertainment purposes only. Any characters that are not recognizable as being part of the Star Wars universe belong to me, but you guys probably figured that out, right?

**_Feedback_:** Both positive feedback and _constructive_ criticism are greatly appreciated and will be cherished! (firedrake88@yahoo.com)

**_Archive_:** Jedi Apprentice, Early Years, Wolfie's Den, JAFD, The Guardians of Peace, The Temple Library, Telly, and archives who have any of my other stories. Anyone else who wants this, please ask and send me a link to your site so that I can check it out. =D

**_Warning:_** Some parts of this are very graphic. The part where Obi-Wan gets beat up is NOT but some other people are wounded and in one part in particular I describe them in detail. Do not read if that bothers you.

Things enclosed in 's are telepathic communication through the Master/Padawan bond.

Flames of Fear

~ Part One: Curtailed Recovery ~

Qui-Gon:

          I knocked lightly on the door to the sleeping chambers that Obi-Wan and I were sharing. The shuttle we were taking back to Coruscant was comprised only of small quarters, an even smaller kitchen, and a piloting-room/control-center. Although my Padawan had almost completely recovered from the severe burns he had sustained on our last mission I had insisted that he spend the trip home confined to a comfortable bed.

          "Come in, Master," the boy called out to me.

          I carefully balanced the trey of food in one hand and keyed the entry release with the other. The door slid open in front of me and I quietly stepped into the small room. Obi-Wan was lying on the bed, attempting to perform a calming meditation but he opened his eyes immediately upon hearing the soft humming of the door.

          "I thought you might be hungry," I explained, glancing down at the food I had brought for him.

          Obi-Wan nodded and grinned, trying to show his usual love of food but I could sense a growing uneasiness within him. The boy was extremely skilled at shielding his emotions from me but despite his best attempts to hide his feelings they were so strong that they had been leaking through our bond. 

          My Padawan had been trapped in a fire and had nearly burned to death; the event had left him inordinately quiet and had implanted a deep fear within his soul. Nightmares were not uncommon after such an experience but it had been almost two months since the incident and he was still waking up from them nearly every night. Sometimes the dreams were so intense that he woke up screaming and in a blind terror. In such cases it would take over an hour for him to calm down and I would always sit with him, rubbing soothing circles on his back as he tried to fall asleep again.

          I was worried for him. I wanted to help him deal with the fear of fire I knew he now had but I didn't want to push him either. Obi-Wan was always one to try and deal with his problems alone. It was an important aspect of my Padawan's growth to examine and cope with his troubles on his own. As a Jedi it was a skill he had to have, but Obi-Wan wasn't just a Jedi, he was also a young man. This even had been so traumatic for him that I knew he would need help coming to terms with it and would eventually come to me. Until then – until he felt comfortable talking about what had happened – all I could do was be there for him and hope that it was enough.

          "Thank you, Master," Obi-Wan smiled and reached for the food.

          I leaned forward and placed the tray in the boy's outstretched arms, not letting go until I was sure he had it. 

          My Padawan hungrily drew the tray towards him and began delving into the mashed potatoes and vegetables that I had made for him. "You've been very considerate of me during my recovery, Master," the boy said between mouthfuls, "and I want to thank you for everything that you've done."

          I seated myself at the side of his bed. Smiling gently I reached out and touched his cheek, "I have done no more for you than you would have done for me if our situations were reversed."

          I moved my fingers from his cheek and instead tugged lightly on the boy's braid, infusing my touch with as much love and comfort as I could. The accident had served to show me how uncertain the future really was and had been the cold splash of water I needed to start being more openly affectionate towards the boy. I didn't want anything to happen to him without him knowing how much I truly cared. 

          Obi-Wan blushed slightly and stopped eating long enough to cover my fingers with his own, "I know, thank you."

          "I was worried about you, you know," I spoke softly, practically whispering, "When I saw the paramedics bring you in I thought...I thought that I might lose you. While they worked to save you I was overwhelmed with the desire to be _doing_ something for you, instead of just sitting there waiting to find out if you would live or die." 

          This was the first time I had directly mentioned the fire and I sensed Obi-Wan's brief flash of tension and anxiety. "Then I thought back to all the times when our lives have been threatened and I remembered that you never give up. I was still plagued with my fear for your life but I knew that you were fighting with all your power to stay with me and that gave me the comfort I needed to make it." 

          I wasn't telling the boy this to force him to examine his memories of what had happened but to show him how much I believed in him and to assure him that he would make it through this. "You're strong, Obi-Wan," I said, "and I know that it's hard, but you're a fighter and you'll overcome this like you have overcome everything else that has ever stood in your way," I took and held the boy's hand tightly, "don't ever forget that."

          Obi-Wan squeezed my hand back and ducked his head shyly as a bright blush covered his cheeks, "Thank you, Qui-Gon," he murmured, "I will not let you down."

          A shrill alarm sounded loudly from the piloting room, harshly interrupting the tender moment between my Padawan and I. Anxiety and despair pulsated in the Force to rush through me. The alarm rung in my mind just as the shrieking bell echoed in my ears. I could feel the pain and hopelessness of hundreds upon hundreds of people and the emotions made my chest ache with worry.

          Something was not right.

Obi-Wan:

          The alarm rung loudly throughout the ship but it was nothing compared to the sheer magnitude of wrongness that was slamming into me through the Force. I could not sense anything specific, simply that a dreadful injustice had been committed. With every part of my heart and soul I felt the terrible horror of people that I could not name or place. 

          Qui-Gon shot me an apologetic look before rushing off to see what the problem was. 

          I knew that my Master would want me to stay in bed so that I wouldn't tire myself out but the truth was that I had been feeling physically fine for almost two weeks. It wasn't my body that needed to heal, it was my mind. Ever since nearly burning to death I had felt different and uneasy. I was changed, nothing felt right to me. I could never truly relax, unless I was too exhausted to think it felt like I was always on edge. Despite my best attempts at dispelling my fear I found myself completely terrified of fire. Whenever I thought of it my heart and throat would tighten and panic would pulsate through me. When I closed my eyes it was the vision of the leaping, cackling red and orange flames that haunted my vision and…

          I determinedly shook my head and banished those thoughts from my mind. Something was wrong, the alarm sounded its warning to us and the Force confirmed it. I couldn't just stay here while Qui-Gon figured out what was happening; my curiosity and the feelings that the Force was swimming in wouldn't let me.

          I set the tray of food on the small nightstand to the right of my bed and slowly climbed to my feet. The doctors and my Master hadn't allowed me to walk very much during my recovery and I found my legs a little weak. For a moment I was forced to simply stand there, wavering slightly, until my body adjusted to the change. As soon as it had, I quickly followed Qui-Gon.

          I entered the control-center and found my Master hunched over a command panel, watching something intently. There was a small furrow of worry just above his nose but other than that the only clues I received that he was extremely troubled were through our bond. As my skills in the Force progressed, so had my ability to read Qui-Gon's emotions but I still wasn't practiced enough to know _why_ he was disturbed – simply that he was. 

          "Master?" I made my presence known, since he obviously hadn't noticed me due to his preoccupation. I knew he would be displeased that I was on my feet but surely he would be able to see that I was fine.

          Qui-Gon slowly lifted his gaze from the command panel and fixed it on me instead, boring into me with the intensity of his silent reprimand. He didn't say anything, but he didn't have to. In his eyes I could read his disappointment towards my lack of patience but also a deeper worry. 

          I lowered my eyes and bowed my head slightly, "Forgive me Master," I said, "but I have almost fully recovered and you know it. If something is wrong I want to be able to help you and I can't do that from my bed."

          My Master nodded and a small smile traced his lips, "I know, Padawan. I have been overly concerned for you, that is all." Even in his voice I could hear a subtle difference and knew that something was terribly wrong.

          "What happened?" I asked, unable to restrain myself.

          Qui-Gon sighed heavily, "We have received a priority one distress signal from the nearby planet of T'Cilfnoc," he informed me, gesturing for me to stand next to him, "have you heard of that planet, Obi-Wan?"

          I moved forward until I was at my Master's side, "No, Master," I admitted.

          "The planet is home to two neighboring tribes that have been at war for hundreds of years. No one really knows the root of their conflict. They are so violent towards each other that all outside parties have all but cut off contact with them for fear of becoming involved in a fight that is not their own. The distress signal is from the Ritnal. Their troops are practically surrounded and they have suffered heavy casualties. They have two small medical facilities but with no way to receive reinforcements they are shorthanded and in need of assistance. They are asking for all help that anyone is willing to offer them."

          I sat down in the chair next to Qui-Gon's, "Master," I began, "we will reach Coruscant within six hours. This is a heavily populated system and there are many ships traveling through it at all times. We should advice the nearest medical vessel."

          My Master nodded, "Yes, we should," he agreed but the heaviness in his voice worried me.

          "What is it?" I questioned, touching his arm.

          Qui-Gon met my gaze squarely and in the blue depths of his eyes I could read his concern, as well as his desire to help these people. "You don't understand, my Padawan," he murmured, "no one wants to become involved in this planet's affairs. I doubt that anyone else will answer their call."

          Without taking my eyes away from my Master's I considered this new piece of information. This tribe had asked for help to heal their wounded and despite the situation on their planet they deserved someone to respond. If people were dying we couldn't simply ignore their cry and return home. If no one else would help them, we had to. 

          "Then we must go, Master. There are only two of us but if we can save even a handful of people then it will be worth it." Perhaps this would help distract me from my own worries. For the last month and a half I had been doing nothing but lying around and that had given me all too much time think about what had happened and to let the fear grow inside me. Helping save people's lives would give me something to work towards and focus on.

          A flash of pride shown in my Master's eyes but when he spoke I could hear the hesitancy, "You've been through a terrible trauma, Obi-Wan," he cupped my check gently, "and I wanted to give you some time at the Temple to recover. The situation on that planet is dangerous – our lives would be at risk."

          I covered his hand with mine and smiled, "Our lives are always at risk, Master, it's part of who we are and what we do."

          "I know," he conceded, "but even Jedi need to rest every once in a while Obi-Wan. Are you sure?"

          I infused our bond with my conviction, wanting him to know that I truly wanted to help, "People are dying, Qui-Gon. We can help them. I can't let my own worries interfere with that."

          My Master gently took hold of my chin and raised my head until our eyes were locked. Silently he gazed into the depths of my soul while probing the surface of our bond.

          I stayed completely still. I knew what he was doing. He wanted to make sure that I truly wanted this – that he wasn't somehow pressuring me into it or that I wasn't doing it out of some desire to please him. He was worried about me and he needed to know that this wouldn't adversely affect my recovery.

          Finally he nodded his agreement, "Very well then," he said, releasing his hold on me and easing back out of my mind. "I will drop out of hyperspace and tell them that we are on our way. We should arrive in less than a half hour."

          "Good," I smiled and leaned back in my chair.

          Qui-Gon turned to key something into the command panel, "Don't you think that you should go change, Padawan?" I must have looked perplexed for he quickly added, "Unless you actually _want_ to go down in a medical robe," his tone was teasing and a small smile teased at the corners of his mouth.

          I looked down at the loosely fitting clothes that the hospital had given me and realized that changing probably was a good idea. "I'll be back in a few minutes," I said, standing up and making my way back towards the sleeping chambers.

          "Obi-Wan," my Master's voice stopped me and I turned around to see what he wanted.

          "Yes?"

          "To put the wellbeing of others before your own at a time like this shows how true your heart is. It is an honor to have you as a Padawan."

          I was struck speechless. My Master was a very warm man but he didn't express his feelings very often. Usually the sparkle in his eyes and the gentleness of his hand on my shoulder were the only signs of his caring and I was uncertain as to how to respond to this.

          "Thank you," I stuttered, my cheeks reddening with the heat of my blush. "I've learned from the best."

~~~~~~~~~~

          "We can't thank you enough for coming," the young head medic greeted us, "we were afraid that no one would. We've been cut off from the rest of the troops for nearly two months but have managed to hold out by stationing ourselves in secret underground compounds."

          As she spoke the doctor quickly ushered us through the entrance of the hidden medical facility and shut the cleverly camouflaged door behind us. "Unfortunately the Mintra captured some of our men and now know the locations of all our compounds. One by one they have been destroying them. Those who escape are heavily wounded and are sent here. We do not have enough people to treat all the injured and are overcrowded since we can't send any of them home."

          The doctor rushed through the dark halls of the compound and in my present condition I had to struggle to keep up with her and my Master. "With all the patients we have we are using more power then this compound was ever designed to generate. That's why we've had to cut off the west wing," she gestured vaguely about her, "and reroute power to the other sectors."

          For almost five minutes we jogged along in complete silence and darkness until finally we entered one of the powered sections of the compound. The sudden onslaught of light blinded me momentarily but when my eyes adjusted I almost wished that they had not. 

          "In order to maximize space we have had to turn the recreational gym into another place to treat patients – there's simply no room for them anywhere else," I the doctor whispered but I was distracted by what I was seeing, not what I was hearing.

          We were standing at the foot of a large room filled with rows upon rows of medical beds with horribly wounded patients. The walls were lined with injured people, some were standing but most had fallen to the floor due to the pain they were feeling. My eyes were flooded with images I knew I would never forget. Some of the patients were covered with horrible burns that had singed their skin black and mired them with streaks of blood that seeped through their charred flesh. Others suffered from blaster shots that riddled their bodies so badly that I could barely tell that they were human. Still others had been wounded in hand to hand combat and were coated in layers of their own blood and sweat.

          Of their own volition, my eyes zoomed in on one patient in particular. He was lying on one of the small hospital beds just a few feet away from me. He had sustained what appeared to be some sort of centralized burn on his chest and was shaking convulsively. A constant moan of pain was being wrenched from his lips and even as he desperately called for help he huddled up into himself in an effort to stop the agony. His clothes were drenched in more blood than he possibly could have lost and with a start I realized that most of it wasn't his own. 

          "Please!" he cried out, his voice thick and breaking, "someone help me…please…" his words faltered and lost their strength, filtering into a half silence. His body began to spasm uncontrollably and coughs tore through his body as he wheezed and fought for breath.

          I took half a step towards him but stopped when I felt a gentle hand rest on my shoulder. I glanced at my Master who shook his head sadly, mutely telling me that it was already too late for this man.

          My eyes fell back to the doomed patient. He had nearly fallen off the bed due to the force of his spasms and the strength of his coughs. His eyes were wide and bloodshot; his face was red and streaked by blood of his fallen comrades. For a moment he went completely still but then he heaved and coughed with a violence so great that blood sputtered from his mouth and rolled down the side of his face. 

          Unshed tears glistened in my eyes, blurring my vision slightly as the man took one last deep breath and then slumped down onto the bed lifelessly. I stood, frozen in place, unable to wrench my gaze away from his body. What a horrible death. How could anyone have done this to him? How could people be so cruel and heartless as to continue fighting this war when this was the only result? What could possibly be so important that the people of this planet would continue slaughtering each other? How could something like this ever have happened?

TBC…


	2. Hospital of Death

**~ Part Two: Hospital of Death ~**

Obi-Wan:   

          There were so many wounded people here.  So many people in pain and without any hope of surviving.  How could it have come to this?  It was wrong.  There was no other way to say it.  It was disgustingly wrong and I was horrified.  Horrified that anyone would have to die like that.  Horrified that someone had actually done that to him.  Horrified that there had been no way to save him.  Horrified that there were so many people in the same condition or worse, because they were caught up in a bloody and useless war.

          The comforting hand on my shoulder tightened and urged me to move.  Qui-Gon gently turned me until I was facing him, breaking my disgusted and appalled stare at the man's body.  I looked up at my Master with what I knew were lost and confused eyes and shook my head helplessly, unable to even say anything.

          I had never seen so many terribly wounded people before in my life.  I had never been in a place that reeked so strongly of death.  The Force was practically attacking me with the strength of the horror that filled this compound.  It coursed through my body, screaming at me with the sheer wrongness of what was happening.  It turned my blood cold.  The very air around me was like shards of ice, cascaded ruthlessly into me.  

          The images of the wounded danced before my eyes even as I desperately tried to focus on Qui-Gon's concerned and companionate face.  I couldn't though.  In front of his gentle blue eyes flashed pictures of men covered with blood and enraged people trying to kill each other.  My mind all too eagerly supplied images of how such things could have happened to the wounded and unable to control myself I found myself conjuring up gruesome battles where dead bodies covered the ground and people were screaming at each other as they fought…

          Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon's worried voice reached through my hazed thoughts, calm yourself, my Padawan.  Focus, find your center.  Don't fight your feelings.  Accept them and then let them drift out of you with the air that leaves your lips.  Reach out to the Force and let its light help you.

          His words barely registered in my mind, all I could do was stare at him.  Stare at him and see things that weren't even there.  "I-I can't…" I stuttered out, silently pleading for him to help me.

          Qui-Gon touched my shoulder with his other hand and without breaking eye contact reached out to envelop me in the Force.  Yes, you can, I heard in my mind, Reach out to the Force, Obi-Wan.  Reach past the pain of this place and touch the light.  It's still there my Padawan.  Through the darkness there is always light.  You taught me that, he squeezed my shoulders supportively, I know you can do it.   Don't focus on the devastation but on my voice.  Relax.  Don't fight the horror, accept it and let it drain from you.  Let my words guide you. 

          I tentatively reached out to the Force that my Master was showing me the way too.  On the outside all I could feel was the atrociousness of what was going on around me but if I searched a little deeper the light was still there, brilliant in its beauty.  That's it, Obi-Wan, he encouraged, now breathe deeply and let that light flow through you.  You can do it.

          I closed my eyes and took several deep, calming breaths.  Then I opened myself completely to the Force and broke through the pain to reach the light.  It flowed through me in a rush, magnificent and so gentle.  It infused my body with warmth and soothed my aching heart.  It couldn't completely wipe away my horror, but I knew it wasn't supposed to.  Feeling this way made me human, made me mortal.  

          Good, my Padawan.  Good, I felt my Master lean forward and press his forehead against mine.  With a gentle tug on our bond he opened himself to me and mentally embraced me with comfort and support.  There is a great deal of evil in the universe, Obi-Wan, but there is so much more good, he murmured, remember that.  

          Qui-Gon was horrified by this too but even with his disgust was an ocean of peaceful light.  My Master was always calm, always a lighthouse of strength, showing me the way when I faltered.  Drawing from his boundless peace I managed to calm my mind and body enough to function again.

          I opened my eyes again and nodded slightly at Qui-Gon who immediately pulled away but did not release his supporting grip on my shoulders.  Very good, Obi-Wan, he complimented.  I know it's hard, but I need you to stay focused Padawan.  These people need us and we can't help them if we allow our emotions to overwhelm us.  I will help you maintain your center but I need for you to stay calm.  Can you do that for me?

          I took a deep breath and both mentally and physically composed myself, Yes, Master, I assured him.  I had to.

          My Master nodded, Good.  You will see terrible things here but I know that you can handle it.  I will keep our bond completely open so that if you need to draw from my calmness, you can.    Now, if you need help, Obi-Wan, come to me.  There is no shame in that.

          I touched one of Qui-Gon's hands lightly, Thank you, Master, that will help.

          Will you be able to work alone? he questioned softly.

          I nodded immediately, Yes, Master.  These people need my help and I will not let them down.  I glanced back at the man's dead body, I'm sorry, it's just that I've never seen…

          Shh shh, Padawan, don't.  You have nothing to apologize for.  I understand.  He squeezed my shoulders again.  Are you ready?

          "Yes, Qui-Gon," I spoke aloud, "I am ready."

          I turned away from my Master to look at the room of wounded people.  I still felt as terrible and sickened as I had before but this time I would not let those emotions overwhelm me.  There would be time to deal with them later.  Now, I had work to do.

~~~~~~~~~~

          I slumped down onto the bed in the small room that the doctors had provided for me.  I was utterly and completely exhausted.  It had been ten hours since Qui-Gon and I had arrived at the medical compound and we had worked without rest since then.  

          It had been our job to use the Force to begin the healing process in the patients that had any chance of surviving.  Although neither Qui-Gon nor I had any particular strength in the healing Force, we were both reasonably skilled and had been able to help save countless patients.  However, constant Force use of that magnitude was draining and given the fact that I hadn't been active for nearly two months, I had become increasingly tired as time wore on.

          Some of the doctors had noted my weariness and had suggested that I rest for a little while but I had brushed aside their concern and continued working anyway.  Qui-Gon and I hadn't worked together and by the time he was able to come check up on me I was nearly falling asleep on my feet.  He had immediately insisted that I go to sleep.  I, of course, had protested but after a few minutes of useless debating he had ordered me to bed.  

          Soft footsteps echoed in the small room and using our bond I could tell that it was Qui-Gon but now that I was lying down I was too weary to even turn to look at him.  "Master," I acknowledged his presence softly.  

          The bed dipped down under his weight as he seated himself beside me, "Padawan," he greeted softly, resting his hand on my chest, "how do you feel?"

          I groaned in disbelief, "Tired!"

          To my surprise, he chuckled quietly, "Other than that?"

          "I'm all right, Master," I assured him, "don't worry," Qui-Gon had been so concerned for my wellbeing lately and although it touched me deeply sometimes I wished he wouldn't treat me as if I was a piece of glass.  "I thought that you were going to continue helping with the patients?"

          He patted my chest, "I am, Obi-Wan, I am.  I merely wanted to make sure that you're okay and to help you clean up a bit."

          I finally opened my eyes.  Qui-Gon was sitting to my side, looking down at me with a gentle expression of caring and worry touching the features of his face.  It always surprised me how much of his emotions my Master was able to convey through his facial expressions.  He never had to tell me how much he cared for me because I could always see it so clearly in his eyes.

          "Clean up?" I asked, my tired mind not quite catching onto his thoughts.

          My Master's lips twitched up into a small smile, "Yes, Obi-Wan, clean up.  Unless you want to go to sleep looking like that."

          My weary eyes finally became aware of Qui-Gon's condition.  His hair, which was usually pulled back neatly, had halfway come out of its tie and several large strands of it were hanging loosely about his shoulders.  Blood smeared and stained his brown robes and his clothes were mussed up and wrinkled.  

          I looked down at myself and realized that I didn't look much better.  My robes and tunic were torn in places and covered in deep red blotches.  Even though I had just put these on earlier today it looked like I hadn't changed in weeks.  "I guess you're right," I agreed, lazily sitting up.

          Draped across my Mater's lap was set of clothes for me that he must have brought from the shuttle.  In his hand he had a small cloth and on the table next to him, a bowl of water.  

          Without thinking I reached for the change of clothes but Qui-Gon batted my hand away, "Not until you're cleaned up," he reproached, indicating my hands.

          I turned my hands up so that my palms were facing me and suddenly realized that they were stained red…with blood.  I hadn't even noticed it until now but it looked like I had dipped them in a container of paint.  It was sickening.  After my first bout of horror upon reaching the compound I had ignored my feelings of disgust as I had worked to save people's lives.  I hadn't let myself feel the atrociousness of what was happening – I had simply gone from patient to patient using the Force to help them in any way I could.   Now, sitting here wearily on the bed, the dreadful images of the day came rushing back to me in an unrelenting wave.

          Qui-Gon met my gaze, concerned.  He had obviously sensed the shift of my thoughts.  Normally I was able to at least partially shield my mind but with the exhaustion I felt I knew that he was picking up more of my emotions than usual.  I didn't want to distract him.  My Master was stronger and more experienced than me and would not need rest for several more hours.  In those hours he could save the lives of people who would die if he was in any way delayed.  I knew that if he realized the depth of my troubles he would want to stop and help me calm myself, or perhaps even meditate.  I couldn't let him waste that time so I quickly forced myself to bury those thoughts until later.

          My Master cocked an eyebrow at me but said nothing.  Instead he moved the clothes to the bed and set down the bowl of water in their place.  He wrapped the cloth about two of his fingers and dipped them into the water.  Then he gently took one of my hands and began scrubbing away the dirt and blood.

          "Due to the overwhelming number of patients," he explained as he worked, "they have cut off power to all non-essential systems.  That includes the water pipes in this section of the compound."

          I said nothing.  I simply stared blankly at my blood covered hands and at the now red stained cloth that my Master was using to clean them.  Every time he dipped it into the water a ripple of red would filter through it until the bowl was tinged with the color.  What I had seen today, it had been so repulsive… No, I shook my head.  Now was not the time to think of that.  Not until Qui-Gon had returned to helping those in need.

          I wrenched my eyes away from my hands and instead looked up at Qui-Gon's face.  His gaze was intent upon his work but I could still see the compassion in his eyes, as well as an immense sadness.  This had affected him as well.  

          It was not long before my Master had finished cleaning my hands and as soon as he was done I changed into the clothes he had brought for me.  The clean cloth felt wonderfully soft and refreshing against my heated skin and I marveled that something so simple could be so comforting.  Of course, after a day like this, anything other than the sight of countless bodies covered in bloody wounds would be soothing.

          "You should try and get some sleep, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon said, placing the bowl and cloth back on the small table.  "I'll wake you up in a few hours so that you can continue working."

          "Thank you, Master," I said, "I could use the rest."  Despite the fact that I wanted to continue helping I knew that sleep would do me good and that if I didn't regain my strength I would be of no use to anyone.

          He took my hand gently in his own, "I know that you want to keep helping, Obi-Wan, but remember how much you've already done.  You've worked very hard today, my Padawan.  You bring honor to your training."

          I smiled, too tired to even take full pleasure of the complement, "Thank you, Qui-Gon."

          A large hand ruffled my hair affectionately, "Sleep well, my young friend."

          As soon as Qui-Gon returned to his work and I was left in silence with the harshness of my own thoughts, I knew that sleep would be a long time in coming tonight.  The day had been so long and so busy that I hadn't had time to think about anything.  I had shoved it all aside for later, but now I found I couldn't.  The images simply would not leave my mind.

          Every time I closed my eyes all I could see were the wounded people.  So many of them had suffered from terrible burns.  Their skin had been charred black with patches of red blood mixed in with the seared flesh.  Images of burned victims flashed through my mind ruthlessly.  All of them had been in such terrible pain and in most cases we hadn't even been able to do anything for them because the drugs that would have eased their agony were being used on patients that would actually survive.

          One memory in particular flooded my mind until I thought I would scream.  A few hours after Qui-Gon and I had arrived a group of soldiers brought in a middle aged woman.  They explained that she was a civilian and that they didn't even know how she had gotten mixed up in the fight.  A lit fire weapon had landed on her, sparking her clothes and rapidly enveloping her in flames.  By the time they had reached her and put out the fire, her body was so burned that I marveled how she had even survived this long.  She was completely seared black – her face, her arms, her legs, everything was burned beyond the point of recognition.  But somehow she was still awake, screaming for her children.  We had stood there, helpless, as her desperate cries had turned to moans of pain.  Finally she had died.

          I had never seen so much death before.  I had never seen, first hand, how terrible a war truly was.  I had been on countless missions and seen more people killed than I cared to remember but this was different.  It was so different.  These two tribes were bent slaughtering each other and in their hate they were being so blind that it chilled my heart.  How could they loathe each other so much?  How could anyone do this to another living person?  I simply didn't understand.  It was so heart wrenching. If they kept fighting this war and killing each other's people someday no one would be left and only then would everyone realize what they had lost.  

          Obi-Wan, I heard Qui-Gon's gentle voice in my mind, sleep.  It only took me a few moments to realize that this wasn't an order but a Force-command.  Usually I would have been able to resist the sleep-suggestion but my Master was strong and I was too tired.  

          My thoughts began to slow as my weariness grew to consume my body.  My eyes drifted shut and my breathing evened out when the arms of sleep gently took me in their grasp.  Seconds later I felt myself drifting off to the sweet land of dreams but even as I fell asleep I knew that my rest would be neither comforting nor peaceful.

~~~~~~~~~~

          The medical compound's corridors were cast in an enveloping darkness that bit at my body and clutched at my heart as I frantically stumbled through them.  I was desperate to get out of this building but all the exits were locked and password encoded.  I was trapped.  Trapped and abandoned.

          This place, this horrible, death-reeking place, was desolate of all living souls.  Every time I reached out with the Force all I could feel was a vast emptiness and the angrily snapping fangs of terrifying solitude.  I felt alone and so very vulnerable.  Like I was the only person left in the entire universe and everyone had just left me to die.

          I quickened my pace, driving my legs on faster and faster, desperate to escape from this horrible maze of never ending walkways where the shadows cackled at me.  Figures leapt out of the snickering darkness, flying towards me viciously but then disappearing when I turned to look at them.  Frightening images emerged to dance along the walls on either side of me but when I gave them my full attention they were nothing more than the figments of my horrified imagination.

          "Qui-Gon!" I called out to my Master even though I knew that he wasn't here to help me.  Why had he left me?  Why had he abandoned me?  How could I have disappointed him so terribly that he would just go and not take me with him?  What had I done?  Why was alone?  Where were all the doctors and nurses – all the people?

          I finally reached the end of the long passageway and burst through the double doors that awaited me.  Frenzied with fear I tripped and fell to the cold floor of the large, boundless, room.  I climbed to my knees and prepared to get to my feet when I made the mistake of opening my eyes.  What I saw made my heart stop.

          There were bodies, rows and rows of bodies, piled up on each other and covering every inch of the room's floor.  They were dead.  They were all dead.  Burned black and smeared by streaks of red blood.  They had been consumed by the angry, hungry, waves of a cackling fire.  A fire that had surrounded them and cloaked them in a blanket of blazing pain.  Just as that same fire had trapped me, cascading from the walls and ceiling to burn my desperate body as I had tried hysterically to get out of the building only to find myself trapped.  Just like I was trapped now.

          Out of the corners of my eyes I saw them – the vicious tendrils of a red-orange fire, leaping and rolling down the walls of the room, conspiring to encircle and trap me.  Terror bloomed in my pounding heart and quickly grew to consume my body, filling every vain in my body with absolute panic.  My body started to shudder terribly, shaking in fits of convulsive tremors.  Every breath I took burned at my lungs and fed the fire of horror that blazed within me.

          I had to get out of here!  I had to get out!  I was nearly incoherent with fear and panic.  Move!  I had to move, but I couldn't.  I was frozen.  Frozen in place as the rippling flames of fire leapt forward to eagerly surround me.  I looked up and all I could see was a wall of crackling fire.  Tendrils that were only inches away from touching my heated skin with their burning touch laughed at me in glee as I struggled to escape from this torment.

          I looked down but the fire still danced in my vision, bounding and cascading over my eyes.  Even when the image of my burned and charred arms filtered in to breach my tumbling mass of emotions and thoughts, the flames still flickered before them – transparent but there.  I nearly screamed in horror at what I saw behind them though.  My hands and arms were burned almost completely black, just like the bodies that surrounded me and just like they had been on that accursed planet.  

          I screamed at myself to move, to run and leap for the still open door that would lead me to safety, but my body refused to respond to my commands.  All I could do was kneel there, trembling in a fit of fear, as the flames neared and strangled me.  Just as I had been on Feloria, I was trapped.  This time it was different though – it wasn't the room that trapped me but the walls within my own mind that held me here, unable to escape.

TBC…

I'll post the next part on Thursday, at around the same time. =D


	3. Emerging Apprehension

Hi!  Thanks for reading & for the FB!  I hope you enjoy this next part. =D

**~ Part Three: Emerging Apprehension ~**

Qui-Gon:

          I had just finished using the healing Force to ease along the regenerative process of yet another victim when the boy's terror hit me.  His panic was so deep that I could feel it almost as if was my own.  It was like the sharp fangs and claws of a hundred vicious dragons tearing at me through my bond with Obi-Wan.  Images flooded our bond along with the fear.  Flashes of burned bodies and long tendrils of hot fire filled my mind.

          "Obi-Wan," I murmured under my breath, quickly turning away from the beds of bodies that filled the room and making my way back towards where I had left him to sleep.  He was having another nightmare.  Another horrible dream of fire and fear.  Only now it was worse – mired by images of what he had seen today, of the dead bodies that had piled up as the day wore on.

          I shouldn't have brought him here, I rebuked myself silently as I rushed through the flickering light of the corridor, desperate to get to him.  He had already been through so much recently and he deserved some peaceful rest at the Temple – not a horrible day filled with suffering and death.  What had I been thinking?  The boy had already been having nightmares as it was, why had I brought him to a place where everything he saw would simply add to them?

          I barged into the dark quarters that the doctors had given Obi-Wan to use for our stay here.  My eyes quickly scoured the room only to find the bed empty, the sheets tangled and thrown to the floor in the boy's panic.  The small table that had once stood by the bed had been knocked down and the bowl lay shattered in pieces over the cold white tiles.  The water it had contained was spilled in a puddle of tinged red liquid, seeping along to stain the floor.

          "Oh, Padawan," I breathed, hurrying into the small 'fresher.  

          I froze in the doorway, my heart breaking at what I saw.  Obi-Wan was kneeling over the toilet, coughing and sputtering as the contents of his breakfast raced through his body and up into his throat.  The boy's clothes were completely drenched in sweat and clung to his skin in folds as his body shook and trembled.  His usually spiky hair was matted to his head.

          I forced myself to move forward and dropped to my knees next to my Padawan.  "Obi-Wan," I comforted softly, stroking his clammy hair with a gentle hand and rubbing calming circles along the muscles of his tense and shaking shoulders and back.  "It's all right.  I'm here, it's all right."

          My Padawan's body quavered almost convulsively once last time before he dropped back – exhausted.  "Qui-Gon," he croaked, his voice rough and breaking.

          I continued to tenderly soothe the boy with soft touches and gentle murmurs until I felt the last of his fear drain from him.  Obi-Wan – responding to my comfort with a whispered, "Thank you," – slumped against me almost lifelessly, resting his head on my chest.

          I reached out through our bond to inundate him with the Force, gently leading him into a communal meditation that would dissipate the last of his panic and terror and ease him back into a peaceful, dreamless, sleep.  

~~~~~~~~~~

Obi-Wan:

          I awoke to the soft gentleness of silky covers and the supple comfort of a soothing mattress.  I let my eyes flutter open.  I was lying face up, back in the bed that I had so frantically struggled out of when I had last awakened.  The warm blankets had been securely nestled over me and in their touch I felt my Master's Force signature, tenderly tugging on our bond and making me feel strangely safe.

          Slowly sitting up, I looked about the small room.  The table which I had knocked down and tripped over was standing in its place again and the fractured glass of the bowl had been cleaned up, along with the blood stained water.

          Blood.  The one word brought it all back to me.  The countless bodies I had seen, the fire, my own burned flesh…  Nothing had ever affected me so strongly before.  First it had only been fire but now when I closed my eyes both orange-red tendrils and bodies were what I saw.  I had never felt so disgusted by anything in my entire life and nothing had ever terrified me as much as fire.  What was wrong with me?

          Nothing is wrong with you, Padawan, Qui-Gon silently reassured me and I blushed furiously upon realizing that I had let my shielding slip.  Your fear of fire is more than understandable after what happened to you and I assure you that it will pass.  As for this place – it is horrible even to me.  As soon as we leave I will help you calm your mind.

          How much longer will we stay? I both wanted to continue helping these people and wanted to leave as quickly as possible.  Part of me wanted this 'work' to distract me from the confusion of my own thoughts and part of me wanted to put as much distance between me and this sickening place as possible.

          There was an uncomfortably long pause before Qui-Gon answered, I don't know, Obi-Wan, he admitted but I could sense there was something more – something he wasn't telling me.

          What is it Master? I questioned, what's wrong?  Please tell me.

          Another long silence touched the ears of my mind.  I could feel him considering what to say and how to say it.  Obi-Wan, he began, his voice weary and yet so tender, the Mintra have been destroying all of the Ritnal's compounds.  All of the Ritnal who survive are being sent to two medical compounds – this one and one located near here.  Both are overflowing with patients and unless the Ritnal receive reinforcements soon, it's going to stay that way.

          In other words, I realized silently, we could be here for a while.  I knew that Qui-Gon was eager to get me home to the Temple but I also knew he wouldn't leave until our presence was no longer needed.  Both of us would never forgive ourselves if we went now.  We had to give these people as much aid as we could.

          I understand, I replied softly, sending him reassurance through our bond.

          My Master caught my emotions and sent them and more back to me.  However, when his spoke his voice was still tinged with worry and I knew that there was something more.  Padawan, he faltered, the Ritnal and Mintra do not have the same rules for war that we do…they do not restrict themselves to military compounds and will attack even doctors.  We...are not safe here.

          Qui-Gon and I had been caught up in dangerous situations many times during our missions together so it was not what he had said that sent shivers of fear up my spine but the tone in his voice.  There was still something I didn't know.  What else, Master? I pressed him, already scared by the fact that he was so hesitant to tell me.

          To destroy the compounds the Mintra have been sneaking people past the Ritnal security and setting the buildings on fire, even as he spoke Qui-Gon inundated our bond with comfort and support, but it wasn't enough to ease my fear.

          Oh Force.  The Mintra set the compounds aflame and had no laws against attacking doctors or civilians.  They knew where all the Ritnal's bases were – what if they tried to destroy this building as well?  What if they set it on fire and I was trapped like I had been before?  What if my dream had been some sort of twisted premonition?  What if…?

          I forcefully shook myself out of my self-induced fear.  I could not concentrate on my anxieties.  *_Keep your focus on the here and now, where it belongs_* Qui-Gon's lessons rung in my mind even though I knew he hadn't spoken.  As my Master had often pointed out, I had a tendency to worry more about the future than was good for me.  This time I couldn't afford to do that through – not unless I wanted to spend the rest of our stay here wracked by fear.

          As I had been taught to do so long ago I reached out to the Force and let it calm and soothe away my worries.  I could do this.  I wouldn't let myself panic.  There were people who needed my help and I had to do all I could for them.  There would be time to deal with my own emotions later.  I breathed deeply and envisioned my worry and fear leaving my body with my breath.  I found it impossible to calm myself completely but at least was able to restore my peace of mind.

          Very good, Obi-Wan, he complemented me, you have done well.

          Thank you, Master, I smiled even thought I knew he couldn't see me.  

          I swung my legs over the edge of the bed and jumped to my feet.  The nagging fear and worry in my mind could wait until later – I was needed.

~~~~~~~~~~

          The shrill alarm sounded so loudly that it wrung like a siren's call inside my mind.  Only this call wasn't beckoning but rather screaming at me to run, to escape from this place as quickly as I could.  The sound made the floor shake and the hospital beds rattle against the restraints that held them in place.  It tore through my body, echoing in my head as it continued to shriek throughout the compound

          Qui-Gon was working on a patient on the other side of the room but over the rows of beds and the dozens of scurrying nurses and doctors, our eyes met.  Something was obviously wrong, the question was, what?  

          The head doctor, Ayla, suddenly appeared at my Master's side, emerging from a group of worried doctors.  From where I stood I could see them talking to each other and picked up on the touch of despair in the doctor's gestures and body posture.

          "Excuse me," I said to the nurse I was working with and hurried to Qui-Gon and the doctor's side.  I had to push myself through groups of other doctors and nurses though and by the time I reached them, they were already finished speaking and Ayla had rushed off with her companions.

          "Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon motioned for me to come stand in front of him and didn't continue until I had complied, "we're going to need to evacuate all of the patients to the other medical compound," he paused and gently placed his hands on both my shoulders, "The Mintra have infiltrated the compound and set fire to the west wing."

          My mind spiraled off on a course of sudden fear.  This couldn't be happening.  Not again, oh please not again.  I couldn't handle this again.  I couldn't bear even the thought of fire and now there was one eating away at this very compound.  How quickly before it reached us?  How much time did I have?

          What was wrong with these people?  How could they set fire to a *_medical_* compound?  How could they want to kill those who were already dying?  Why a fire?  Why couldn't they simply have attacked?  If they had to be so ruthless, couldn't they have sent in troops to secure the building?  Why a *_fire_*?

          "Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon's voice was harsh but not with impatience, with urgency.  "Listen to me.  This is important," he grabbed my chin gently and forced me to meet his gaze, "Since all of the systems in that section were down the fire alarm didn't sound until the smoke reached the operating sections.  The fire has already spread throughout the west wing and Ayla calculates that we only have five to ten minutes before it reaches the patients closest to it and twenty to twenty-five minutes before it reaches us."

          I found the serenity in my Mater's eyes and forced myself to latch onto it.  I breathed deeply, calming myself as much as I could.  I could not lose control.  Not here, not now.  "Yes, Master," my voice was quiet but steady, "what do I need to do?"

          "Get as many people out of here as possible," he gestured towards one of the room's many exits.  "There are underground tunnels that connect this compound to the other medical compound.  Once we evacuate as many people as we can there is a fireproof door we can shut that will keep the fire contained," his gaze bored deeply into my own, "If I leave you here and go help them evacuate the patients that are closes to the fire I need to know that you can handle it."  

          The look in his eyes told me this was no time for heroics.  I had to be completely honest.  "I can help evacuate people from this room until the fire reaches it, Master, then I'm afraid that I will be of little use."

          Qui-Gon nodded, "Very well.  Then I want you to stay here and help them clear out this room.  If and when it becomes too much for you, Padawan," his voice was crisp, "do not be ashamed.  Simply go back into the tunnels; they will need help carrying the patients all the way to the other compound.  Do not stay if you're too scared, Obi-Wan.  Do you understand?"

          I felt so weak.  Qui-Gon had never had to say something like that to me before.  I had always been able to go with him wherever he went – straight into peril if need be – but now I knew I couldn't.  If during dreams I was immobilized with fear, what would happen in a real fire?  I didn't want to find out.  "Yes, Master," I lowered my gaze, already ashamed.

          He raised my head again, "It will be all right, Obi-Wan," he said, "I know you can do this."  With that, he turned and began making his way through the rows of beds and towards the fire.

          "I won't let you down," I vowed as he left but I doubted he heard me.

          I took a deep breath.  I would not let my fear dominate me.  I had to help.

~~~~~~~~~~

          There had been over 500 patients in the gym and after less than five minutes of carrying them from beds to gurneys and then rolling them down to the underground caves my muscles were sore and I was out of breath.  We had moved a good number of them out but there were too many wounded and as much as it tore at my heart we were forced to leave the ones that had less chances of surviving behind.  Each time I used the Force to probe yet another person's injuries it was a judgment call as to whether or not they would live – I only prayed I was making the right one.

          With hard work and determination we managed to clear out almost everyone in the gym in a little over ten minutes.  There were still move than a hundred people left – scattered desolately across the room – that I or one of the doctors had determined were already dying.  Every time I jogged back into the mostly empty gym I was filled with a pang of guilt at the death we had doomed them to.  What right did we have to play God?

          I cleared my head of such depressing thoughts – this was a race against time and I didn't have time to waste.  I glanced about the room, looking for more people to help but it seemed as if other doctors and nurses were already taking care of them.  Perhaps, I thought somewhat hopefully, I would be of more use taking the people we had cleared out all the way to the other compound.  Most of them were very seriously wounded and needed to be under constant medical care.  If we didn't get them to the other facility some of them would die anyway.

          I faltered, uncertain.  I could stay and help move more patients and supplies out or I could ensure that the others would survive.  The trepidation tugging at my heart urged me to go but my rational mind wondered if I was letting my fear govern my actions.  Although the fire was reported as still being ten minutes away from us I could already see the traces of smoke filtering through the doors.  It was barely visible, just a slight graying of the air, but it made my heart beat faster with anxiety.

          I had managed to keep myself more or less calm by whispering over and over again that the fire hadn't reached the gym yet and that by the time it did we would be safely journeying to the other compound.  However the mantra of words had only lessened the immediate terror and had done little to ease the foreboding that chilled my body.  With every minute that passed – every puff of smoke, every slight fluctuation in the temperature – my fear mounted and grew.

          Perhaps it was time to take Qui-Gon's advice and head back into the caves.  After all, we needed to get the patients to the other facility *_alive_* or everything would be for naught.  I turned – ready to disappear back into the underground tunnels – when it suddenly struck me that my Master was nowhere in sight.  I had been too busy to notice before but now that I thought about it I realized that last time I had seen him had been when he had told me we had to evacuate the patients.  

          I shot a quick glance around the room but did not see my Master.  Where was he?  He had gone with the first wave of people to clear out the sections closest to the fire.  Everyone else had returned, why hadn't he?  Surely the flames had already reached those regions and he would be forced to return soon.

          Out of the corner of my eye I caught sight of the head doctor.  "Doctor Ayla!" I called, running up to her and helping her with a patient she was trying to move.

          "Thank you, Obi-Wan," she huffed out between deep breaths of air.

          I nodded absently as I took hold of the injured man's feet and together we swung him over to the other bed.  We tried to be as gentle as possible but there was still a trace of urgency in our movements that neither of us could dispel.

          "Where's Qui-Gon?" I asked.

          She wiped away the sweat that had collected on her forehead with the back of her hand and then shook her head helplessly.  "I don't know.  The last time I saw him he was in one of the far rooms, trying to clear out the last of the patients before the fire completely destroyed everything.  He hasn't come back yet?"  Now there was a hint of concern in her voice and I knew she was thinking the same thing I was – the fire would have forced him to return by now so what was he doing?

          A flash of worry ignited in my heart to join the fear that was already there.  I knew that my Master had gotten himself into trouble while trying to save as many people as possible.  Before, I hadn't wanted to distract him but now I had to know if he was okay.  Master? I sent out to him worriedly, stepping out of the way as Ayla turned to roll the patient towards the underground tunnels.

          Are you all right? I sounded desperate even to myself but I had to hear his voice.

          There was no answer.

          Qui-Gon! I exclaimed, my chest tightening as fear for my Master's life bloomed inside me, accompanying the already pulsating terror of the fire that was quickly eating its way towards me.  

          Again, there was no answer.

TBC…

The next part will be up sometime on Sunday. =)


	4. Fire & Fear

Hi everyone!  Thanks for the FB!!  I'm _really _happy that you're all enjoying it so far!!  Well, when I said I was gonna post today I obviously forgot that it's Mother's Day!  Oh well, I said I'd post so here it is anyway.  This is probably not the greatest part in the story…I kinda went a little overboard, I think, but hopefully it isn't that bad.

**~ Part Four: Fire & Fear ~**

Obi-Wan:

          Something was wrong.  Qui-Gon would never ignore me, especially since he'd sense my worry and fear through our bond.  He had to be unconscious, it was the only explanation.  But where?  How close to the fire was he and what had happened?

          I shot a wary look at the door that he had disappeared through.  The fire was still far enough away but the dark grey smoke that was entering this room was enough to make my body shake and my heart tighten.  I had to go see where he was but did I have the strength?  Would I be able to face the thing that had haunted all my nightmares for almost two months now?  Would I be able to lock away my fear and forget about how close fire had come to taking my life?

          If I closed my eyes I could still see the dancing flames as they leapt closer and closer to me, casting their eerie yellow glow over my body.  In the silence of my mind I could still hear the crackling noise the wicked fire had made as it eagerly consumed the wood that sustained it.  All across my tense and fearful body I could still feel the fire leaping onto my skin and burning away my consciousness as it surrounded me painfully in its searing embrace.  I could remember it all so clearly – the heat, the pain – all of it.  Could I face that again?

          I had nearly burned to death and now I didn't think I could handle being anywhere near a real fire.  How would I manage if in my dreams I was too scared to move?  How could I simply walk down that corridor, knowing where it would lead me?  Qui-Gon – that was my answer.  For him, I had to.  I couldn't just leave him there to die.  I had to try and save him.

          I glanced about the room once more, making sure no one needed my help, before bounding off towards the door.  The first few steps were easy, as if the reality of what I was doing hadn't quite sunk it yet, but as soon as I entered the hallway everything changed.  My body trembled despite my noblest attempts to still it and my legs were heavy and reluctant to move.  Poorly suppressed fear expanded to engulf me and as if I was heading towards certain doom I had to force myself to move.  Each footfall against the cold tiles of the floor was a loud reminder of exactly where I was going.  As much as I tried to keep my mind focused on finding Qui-Gon I couldn't stop myself from picturing the cackling flames that I was so afraid of and that ever present picture in my mind only increased my fright. 

          It was as if the clutching fear in my heart was hungrily engulfing all my air and after only minutes of jogging I found myself gasping.  It seemed as if my body was conspiring against me for my heart was beating at such a fast rate that I thought it would burst from my chest.  My usual endurance was gone; every muscle in my body was sore from the tenseness of my anxiety.

          My skin tingled in warning when by perceptible leaps and bounds the air thickened and sizzled.  Nearly unbearable heat flooded into me in sweltering waves, serving as an agonizing reminder of the fire I was closing in on.  Sweat beaded on my skin and rolled down my forehead to sting at my eyes.  I subconsciously reached up to wipe it from my face and found my skin sticky and clammy like the suffocating air around me.

          Smoke continued to filter through the hallways; the air was becoming hazier with the thumping of my every heartbeat.  Before there had only been the faintest sign of them but now the fumes were filling the air with their dark obscurity and my throat was beginning to rasp in protest.  The already thick air was almost impossible to breathe without gagging on and to make matters worse my eyes were beginning to sting persistently.  

          With short and uneven breathing I struggled to gasp air into my lungs but as soon as the creeping thickness tickled at my sensitive throat I quickly coughed it back up again.  I sucked in as much air as possible but again my own ragged gasps reverberated off the walls when it was wrenched back out of my body.  My steps faltered.  Convulsive coughs twisted their way through my body and I gagged several times on the thick smoke before I recover my breath.  

          Leaning over to rest my hands against my dirty, sweat-soaked pants I struggled to regain control of my body.  Using careful and slow deep breaths I filtered my weariness out of my body and gentled the rate of my overworked heart.  I would not be able to help Qui-Gon if I collapsed before I reached him.  I couldn't let my fear reflect so deeply on my body – I had to be strong.  I had to do it for my Master.

          It took me only a few seconds to calm my pounding heart but I knew that easing my body of the slight tremors that wracked it would be impossible.  I did not have that time to waste especially since I knew that the only way would be to erase my terror and that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.  Fortitude surged in my veins.  Qui-Gon needed me.

          By the time I straightened my body again the smoke had begun burning at my sensitive eyes.  As a result tears rapidly formed to blur my already hazed vision.  I blinked several times to clear them away but it was useless.  It was my body's natural reaction to the fumes and a warning that I probably didn't have much time before the smoke became too thick to breathe.  That meant that the fire was closer than I suspected.  The thought sent tremors down my spine and chilled my body.  Despite the increasing heat that was inundating me I felt coldness both within and without my body.  I shivered.

          Determination that almost matched the strength of my fear flowed through me.  I could *_not_* let myself concentrate on my fears.  I would deal with the fire when I reached it.  Right now my Master needed me and I wouldn't give up.  I had to find him.  I couldn't let him die because I was too scared to fight a little smoke and fire.

          I pulled up the edge of my tunic to cover my mouth and nose – knowing that it would filter out some of the smoke and make it easier to breathe.  Unfortunately there was little I could do to protect my eyes except to blink rapidly to momentarily ease the pain.  I closed my eyes for a few long moments and wiped away the tears that rolled down my face.  Then I started running again.  

          As I moved the heat intensified to the point where it was almost thick enough to touch.  Within moments my breaths were coming in short, painful gasps again and the tears had combined with the smoke to obscure my vision almost completely.  Despite it all – despite my screaming body and my fearful heart – I refused to stop.  I had told my Master that I wouldn't let him down – I couldn't fail him now.  I couldn't let my fear overcome me.  I had to find him.

          With sure and steady steps I rounded the corner – steps that faltered when my feet glued themselves to the ground and left me frozen in place.  My mind still commanded that I move but my legs refused to work, just as every other part of me was suddenly determined to stay still.  My eyes were the only things that responded to my demands and I almost wished that they too had remained uncooperative.

          Before me was a hall of rippling fire.  Burning hot flames slithered and leapt over the ceiling, making it look like a blazing sea.  Thick blankets of smoke billowed down from above me, causing the air to turn almost opaque in its darkness.  Long, laughing tendrils reached out with their destructive fangs to latch onto the walls of the corridor and soon the fire was moving its path to consume them as well.  

          In less than half a second the calmness that I had wasted precious time to attain was slipping from my weak grasp.  My heart resumed in previous thudding and fear, instead of blood, coursed through my veins.  My wheezing gasps were like background noise to the terror that was pulsating mercilessly through my body.

          I wanted to move – needed to move – but my body refused.  My legs and arms had suddenly become too heavy for the weak muscles of my body and my will power didn't seem strong enough to drive me anymore.  My heart and soul wanted to find my Master – wanted to save him – but it was my fear that was stubbornly controlling me and I doubted that I was powerful enough to fight it off.    

          As I watched, paralyzed in horror, a piece of burning wood fell from the inferno that was the ceiling and landed on the floor ahead of me in a pile of thick smoke and flying sparks.  Cackling at this new opportunity for annihilation the fire raged away from the wood and quickly began devouring the floor, racing towards me with deadly speed.

          Fear glazed over my mind but even in the face of my horror there was one coherent thought that kept filtering through my mind.  Qui-Gon, I screamed silently, where was he?  If the fire had already progressed this far and I hadn't run into him on my way here it could only mean that… No!  My Master wasn't dead.  He couldn't be.  I would have felt that and our bond was still intact.  Then what had happened to him?

          Suddenly my stinging, blurred, and terrified eyes caught sight of him.  There at the end of the hallway, amidst the haze of smoke, was the crumpled form of my Master.  He was lying, sprawled across the floor, completely immobile and seemingly lifeless.  His body was thus far untouched but I knew it wouldn't stay that way for long.  Even as the thought crept through my mind the flames were leaping towards him with their burning claws of hunger.

          Without even willing it, I took half a step forward.  

          Red-orange fear tinted my vision.  The world spun around me, turning everything into a swirling blur of color and panic.  The flames, cruel and persistent in their destruction, reflected in my eyes and marred my mind.  They seemed be taunting me, laughing at me, and burning all the faster simply to reach me.    

          I collapsed to the floor as the cold hand of terror grasped my heart in its relentless grip.  The flames danced in my vision, springing up and falling back down – casting terrifying shadows over the floor of the hallway.  Red-orange hands reached out towards me from the end of every tendril and the crackling than filled the air was louder even that my chocking gasps and pounding heart.

          The fire was so hot and I could feel it, just five or six feet away from me as it raced forward from the piece of burning wood.  Using its weightless alley – smoke – and my own fear, the fire would subdue me before it ever touched me.  By the time it reached me I would be unconscious or too scared to move and then it would do to me just what the other fire had.

          Images of my body, burned and charred, cascaded before my eyes.  Sensations of what it had felt like as the tendrils had seared at my skin flooded my memory and sounds of my own screams echoed in my ears.  The memory of the hot pain, spreading out over every inch of my body, overwhelmed my senses.

          Force, I couldn't do this.  I couldn't move, I couldn't save Qui-Gon or myself.  

          The smoke was thickening in the air with each passing second and even through the cloth of my shirt it was filtering into my throat and burning at my lungs.  Streaks of tears wet my cheeks as the liquid continued to flow from my eyes.  The stinging was almost unbearable in its cutting pain.  I couldn't see, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move.  I was helpless.  

          I crumpled on the floor, now shaking uncontrollably.  The fire…  It would burn the life away from me.  It had almost succeeded last time but now there was no one there to save me.  And no one to save Qui-Gon.  Qui-Gon… I couldn't leave him there.  I had to save him.  I had to drag him away from the fire and into safety but I couldn't even move.  I couldn't think and all I could see was the black smoke and leaping flames of the fire.

          Panicked thoughts hazed across my mind.  I had to get up…I had to do something.  I had to get away from here.  I had to take Qui-Gon and run.  I couldn't just sit here, frozen in fear.  I had to move, I had to… 

          The fire, it was so close now.  The heat was unbearable and I could already feel the hot sparks that were floating in the air as the tendrils moved closer and closer to me.  My eyes itched and burned so badly now that I couldn't even keep them open.  Pressing my hands against my face I tried to ease the stinging but it was of no use.  I had more to worry about than my eyes.  The air I was gasping into my lungs was mostly smoke and my body was violently rejecting it as soon as it touched the now raw flesh of my throat.  Coughs tore through me, sending flashes of pain through my stomach and chest.  My thoughts hazed.

          My head was throbbing so badly that I could barely think anymore and I could feel the heat as it danced mirthfully just inches away from me.  Together, it and my fear were mocking me.  Laughing as they plotted to conquer me.  An empty, burning sensation of pain and desperation filled my lungs as my body began to shut down from the lack of oxygen.

          The fire, it had almost reached me and I couldn't move…   I couldn't save myself…  It would burn me, enveloping me in an embrace of pain and I would be helpless to stop it.  It was over, I couldn't breathe…I couldn't…

          My thoughts dimmed as I continued to gag harshly on the burning air.  Consciousness was fading rapidly and all I could do was think of the fire, and of Qui-Gon.  The inferno had reached him now, I could see its flames touching his unmoving form and I still couldn't move.  I couldn't move to save him or myself.  I was a failure and now both of us would die because of it.

TBC…

Anyway, thanks for reading and thanks for all the FB, I hope you're having a great weekend!  The next part will be up on Wednesday or Thursday.


	5. Shame

Hi!  I'm really glad that you like the story so far and thanks sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much for reading!!!  I'm sorry that I didn't post yesterday but I've had a lot of homework this weekend.  Anyway, I'm soooo happy 'cause I was invited on this trip to Rome and when I asked my mom she didn't say no!  She didn't say yes, but she didn't say no either, so this is a good first step! I hope I can go, it sounds soooooooooooooooooooooo cool!! =D =D

I hope you enjoy!!!! =D =D

_~ Part Five: Shame ~_

Obi-Wan:

          I came to when I felt a cold splash of water against my face.  I instinctively opened my mouth and lapped some of the liquid onto my parched tongue.  The water was so soothing in contrast to the suffocating dry air I had choked on.  A gentle hand touched my forehead and ran down the side of my face but it lacked the soothing touch of my Master.  Qui-Gon!  My mind suddenly came completely awake and my eyes snapped open.

          Doctor Ayla was sitting on the side of my bed with a concerned look in her eyes and a smile tracing her lips.  "Doctor…" I rasped, "Where's Qui-Gon?  Is he…?" the word caught in my throat before I could utter it.  I almost didn't want to know.  I didn't want to carry the blame for something like that.

          Her smiled broadened, "He's fine, Obi-Wan.  A team of doctors went looking for you and your Master when we realized that you both had disappeared and they found you just as you were losing consciousness.  We pulled you out before the fire reached you but Qui-Gon suffered some pretty serious burns.  Fortunately he is doing well and will make a full recovery."

          My soul soared but the pain in my chest didn't case.  The news should have eased my heaviness of heart but it didn't.  Of course I was relieved and joyful that he was alive but I was devastated and incredibly disappointed with myself that I had failed – that I hadn't been able to save him.  If it hadn't been for the doctors, he would be dead right now.  

          How could I have been so afraid?  If I had only run down the hallway and dragged him out we both would have escaped without burns.  I had rescued people from fires before and I had never been so afraid, so terrified.  The flames had never given me cause to tremble or panic.  I had never collapsed to the floor before – completely horrified and unable to move.  Of course, that had been before one had nearly robbed me of my life but still, I should have been stronger.  For my Master I should have overcome my fear.  Qui-Gon's life had been in my hands and I had failed him.

          I couldn't remember a single time when I felt more guilty or unworthy as I did now.  It was like a growing expanse of clutching failure, filling my heart with empty worthlessness.  He had almost died because of my fear.  He deserved a Padawan who would be at his side no matter what – not a coward who couldn't stand the sight of fire.  Force, would I be this terrified of it for the rest of my life?  

          "Can I see him?" I asked softly, almost pleadingly.

          Doctor Ayla hesitated but upon seeing the spark of determination in my eyes she relented, "Very well.  Just don't overdue it, you're still weak."

~~~~~~~~~~

          I stood in the doorway to Qui-Gon's room, almost afraid to enter.  Did he know of my failure?  Did he know what a coward I was?  What would he say to me if he did?  Would he tell me how disappointed he was in me or would he be gentle and understanding?  Would he tell me that we would work through my fear or would he be angry?   What if he didn't know?  Would I have the courage to tell him what had happened?

          "Obi-Wan," his gentle voice breached my thoughts, "why are you just standing there?" he asked softly, "come here."

          I slowly walked forward until I was standing next to my Master's bed.  Most of his body was covered by a thick blanket but his bandaged arms were resting on top of it.  The burns had most likely been treated with bacta and were now healing underneath the gentle cloth that surrounded him.  Ayla had told me that his limbs had suffered minor burns but that it had been his chest and stomach that the fire had directly burned.  He was lucky to be alive.  With the proper treatment and plenty of rest he would make it, with no thanks to me.

          "How do you feel, Master?" I squeaked, resting my hand on his rising and falling chest.

          He smiled gently in reassurance, "Fortunately I am in very little pain.  I am a little tired, that's all," he touched our bond gently, "how about you?"

          Force, how could he ask how *_I_* was after I had left him to die?  I had let him down, nothing else mattered.  I half-shrugged, "I'm okay."  If 'okay' was being overcome by a wretched, consuming guilt, then I was fine.

          Qui-Gon's smile faded and was replaced by a look of worried remorse.  "I'm sorry Obi-Wan," he said softly.  "I thought that I could get to the last set of patients but the fire spread faster than I thought and by the time I turned around to come back to you the smoke was too thick and I lost consciousness."

          I nodded but didn't speak.  Qui-Gon had lost consciousness in a noble effort to save lives but I, coward that I was, had blacked out because I had been too afraid to move.  My Master was always so brave; he never let anything stand in his way.  He needed someone who wasn't going to break down at the first bump on the road.  The guilt I felt was so great that a simple apology didn't seem like enough.  My Master had almost *_died_* because I had been too afraid to pull him out of the fire.  What sort of friend was I?  

          Qui-Gon was half covered in burns because of me.  Instead of helping with the wounded patients he was laying here in bed, recovering from wounds he never should have sustained.  It was a good thing that I couldn't see the injuries, that they had already been bandaged, because I doubted that I could have handled that. 

          "I never should have brought you here," my Master interrupted my thoughts again, "I should have just taken you back to the Temple.  This is no place for someone recovering from such a trauma as the one you have experienced.  I'm sorry, my Padawan," he apologized again, "we will leave as soon as I am well enough.  You need to heal and you can't do it here."

          Was Qui-Gon *_apologizing_* to me?  Force, why in the universe was he saying he was sorry?  He hadn't done anything!  All he had wanted was to help people in need, that was all.  He hadn't nearly been responsible for my death and he hadn't left me in a fire to burn.  He had done everything in his power to comfort me since arriving on this forsaken planet and he was saying he was *_sorry_*?

          *_I_* was the one who needed to apologize!  Not him.  He had almost died because of my fear and I was the one that had to beg for his forgiveness.  He had nothing to apologize for.  He hadn't been the coward.  He had been the one willing to burn to death to save a few more patients from the same fate.  *_I_* had been the one paralyzed by the fear!  I had been the one to watch the fire creep over his body while I being unable to move, unable to help him.

          I kept my head bowed and my gaze low.  I couldn't bear to look him in the eyes.  I didn't think I'd ever be able to do it again.  Never again would I be able to meet his gaze without feeling the guilt and swimming in the shame.  Not after what had happened, not after I had almost let him die.  "Don't apologize, Master," I said softly, "you've done nothing wrong."

          Qui-Gon must have picked up something different in my voice for he frowned and sent a curious probe into our bond.  "What's wrong, Obi-Wan?" he asked softly.

          Oh Force, he truly didn't know.  The doctors hadn't told him, had they?  Did he even know that anything had happened to me?  He probably thought that I had spent the time I had been unconscious helping to heal the wounded, as I had at the other compound.  How could I tell him what I had done?  How could I tell him that I had been willing to watch him die?

          "Obi-Wan?" he questioned again, "what is it, Padawan?"

          I shook my head and quickly backed away from his bed.  I couldn't do this.  I couldn't listen to the gentleness of his voice.  I couldn't bear to hear the concern and see the worry on his face.  I didn't deserve it.  I didn't deserve any of it.  I didn't deserve for him to apologize to me.  I didn't deserve for him to be so caring towards me. 

          It was childish and immature but without answering his question I turned and fled from the room.  I simply couldn't stand to be with the person who was apologizing to me when I had left him to burn to death.  He was the one I cared for the most in the entire universe and even for him I had been unable to conquer my fear.  He was saying he was sorry to a coward when he deserved a profuse apology from me that would never be enough for the deed I had committed.

          Obi-Wan! Qui-Gon exclaimed silently inside my head, using a tone of voice that almost stopped me dead in my tracks.  Almost.  Even a direct order wouldn't have made me turn around and return to his side.  I couldn't face him now.  I had to think.  I had to meditate and clear my emotions enough so that I could tell him of my failing.  I needed to be alone now – not in the company of the person who I had let down. 

          I'm sorry, Master, I sent him a bundle of emotions ranging anywhere from guilt to remorse before erecting shields around my mind that would block out any of his attempts to speak with me.  Normally such an attempt to block him would have been futile but after being wounded I knew that Qui-Gon would be weaker than usual and that would allow me to essentially cut myself off from him, at least until he regained his strength.

          I rushed down the long hallway – heedless of the rooms that lined it, heedless of the wounded patients that filled those rooms – with no real destination in mind.  I had to get as far away as possible.  I had to escape from the memories, from the guilt.  I had to get away from the warm gentleness that my Master mistakenly offered me.  I just had to get away.

          By the time I regained enough control over my raging emotions to slow my steps and come to a stop I realized that I had absolutely no idea where I was.  This medical compound was unfamiliar to me and the hallway I was standing in was empty and devoid of life.  In fact, everything was cast in a consuming darkness that ate even the humming sound of the power generator.

          I was alone.

          Satisfied that no one would find me here I slumped to the ground.  Leaning back against the wall I tucked my knees up under my chin and let my eyes drift shut.  It was quiet here, so quite.  A perfect place for me to consider what I had done and how I would ever work up the courage to tell my Master of it.

          I had to think of some way to make up for my cowardice.  When I informed my Master of my unforgivable actions I had to be able to offer something that would… Something that would *_what_*?  There was no excuse for my behavior.  None at all.  All that was left for me was to work up the courage to look Qui-Gon in the eyes and tell him that because I had been unable to save him, he had almost died.  

          Qui-Gon was such a kind and caring Master though.  Even if he was terribly disappointed in me he would never abandon me.  He would sit down with me and try to help me overcome my fear.  If I woke up from nightmares every night for the rest of my life he would always be there to help calm my mind and ease me back to sleep.  

          Some would consider that a blessing but it was his very tenderness that would punish me the most.  How could I let a man that had almost lost his life because of me help and comfort me?  Every time I felt his gentle hand on my shoulder or was inundated with his support through our bond I would remember how I had failed him and how I didn't deserve everything he was giving me.  How would I be able to stand his caring when I had let him down so deeply?  How would I be able to ever look him in the eye again?

          It was my own shame and guilt that would never let me accept that kind of comfort from him because deep down inside, no matter what he told me, I would always know that I had failed him, and myself.

~~~~~~~~~~

          Colors swirled and mixed around me as I felt myself being pulled from one dream into another.  It took me a few moments to feel the gentle but firm tug across my bond with Qui-Gon.  He was drawing me into this dream.  I had often heard that Masters and Padawans with a strong bond could communicate with each other through dreams but Qui-Gon and I had never tried it and so the sensation was strange.  At first I wondered how he had broken through my shielding to do this but then remembered that in sleep my mental barriers automatically weakened.

          The mass of colors suddenly came into focus and solidified.  I found myself standing in the middle of my room back at the Temple.  I looked around carefully.  Everything was exactly as I had left it.  My covers were thrown into a bundle at the foot of my bed and a pile of clothes lay across the pillow.  I marveled at my Master's skill that he could create such a realistic recreation of our quarters.

          I heard a soft knock on my door.  I knew it was my Master.  Apparently I would not be able to avoid speaking with him.  "Come in," I called out.

          The door promptly slid open to reveal my Master's form.  He looked just as he had before being injured.  His arms were not bandaged and he seemed as strong and graceful as always.  "Obi-Wan," he greeted me, gesturing for me to sit down.

          I automatically took a seat on the side of my bed and moments later Qui-Gon had taken his place at my side.  "This is the first time you've ever shielded me from your mind," he said softly.  It wasn't a question or an accusation.  In his tone was nothing more than understanding. 

          I did not look up.  "Yes, it is" I would never lie to Qui-Gon.

          He draped a gentle arm across my shoulders and I couldn't help but flinch at the touch.  Not because it wasn't welcome or comforting but because it only served to remind me of how close I had come to losing him because of my own weakness.  "For almost two months I have let you be, hoping that you would come to me.  After you ran off like that I realized that the time had come to speak.  I am sorry to bring you here in such a manner but I couldn't very well go after you."  He paused, "You know that you can always talk with me about your troubles."

          I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  "I know.  I trust you with all my heart," I assured him, "but…I just didn't know what to say to you.  I still don't."

          He drew me against him gently until I was resting my head against his shoulder.  "Why don't you just tell me what happened," he suggested gently, "and then we can go from there."

          I took a deep breath, drawing on every shred of courage that remained within me, and turned to face Qui-Gon.  For the first time I met his eyes and stared deeply into them.  In those blue depths I found exactly what I had expected to find: concern and caring.  

          "When the first compound was set on fire," I began slowly but as soon as I had uttered the first few words the rest followed in tumbling torrent that was as much a relief to me as anything could have been, "and you never came back from trying to rescue those patients, I went after you.  I found you at the end of a hallway that had almost been consumed by the fire.  I wanted to save you but I was too scared.  I collapsed and lost consciousness.  If it hadn't been for the team of doctors that arrived, you would have been killed."

          The relief I felt in the telling of my secret did nothing to remove the weight from my shoulders.  I still felt as guilty as I had before.  Sitting with him like this, feeling his worry so clearly, made me feel worse.  I loved him so much and yet I hadn't been able to save him.

          "And you feel guilty?" he questioned.  He didn't sound surprised or reproachful at all.

          I nodded, "Of course I do."

          "Why do you feel guilty?"

          I shook my head, understanding the question but not why he was asking me it.  Surely he already knew that.  "Because I almost let you die," the words were choked and barely above a whisper but I knew he had heard them.

          "No," Qui-Gon touched my chin, as if to prevent me from looking away, "think carefully Obi-Wan.  Are you feeling guilty because you almost let me die and you think that you've let me down in some way, or are you feeling guilty because you were unable to overcome your fear and save me?"

          I shot him a confused look.

          "There is a difference," he assured me, "please think carefully before you answer."

          My Master was asking me to search within myself for the answer.  I closed my eyes.  The obvious reason, the reason that came most readily to my mind, was that I felt guilty because I had let Qui-Gon down in not being strong enough to save him.  However, I knew that that wasn't completely true.  I also felt that I had let myself down.  

          I touched Qui-Gon's hand, which was still resting gently holding my chin.  He wasn't disappointed in me.  I could feel that and yet it didn't alleviate my guilt.  My guilt, I realized, had nothing to do with my Master's reaction to this.  It was me.  It was the fact that I loved him so much but hadn't been able to save him.  It was the fact that *_I_* had left Qui-Gon there and let *_myself_* down, not that I had let *_him_* down.  

          I opened my eyes.  "I feel guilty because I almost _*let_* you die," I corrected, knowing it was the truth.  "I…I care for you so much and yet even to save your life I wasn't able to rise above my fear," I hesitated momentarily before taking a deep breath and adding, "I am ashamed that fire terrifies me."

          With his other hand my Master touched my shoulder and I had to stop myself from shying away from his touch.  I didn't deserve comfort from him.  I had been pitifully weak and I didn't deserve for him to still be so kind and caring towards me.  "Obi-Wan," his voice was so gentle and yet as always it held that teaching quality I had come to expect, "I could sit here and tell you that your fear of fire is completely understandable and that it doesn't make you a weaker person, but I know that it won't ease your guilt."

          He smiled and took my hand from where it rested on his so that he could hold it tightly in his own.  "You will overcome your fear, Obi-Wan," he assured me as if there wasn't a doubt in his mind, "because you're strong.  I believe in you," he squeezed my hand, "Failure is not being unsuccessful or being weak, it is a natural step in the learning process.  When you conquer your fear you will realize that it took every 'failure' you experienced to be able to be able to overcome it.  Remember this: if you never experienced failure, how would you know what success is?  If you never experienced fear how would you be able to triumph over it?  It takes courage to stand up to what scares you.  It takes no courage to do anything if you're not afraid."

          I stared at Qui-Gon, not fully comprehending what he was trying to tell me.  I had let my fear overcome me.  I had been unable to realize that fire was no more dangerous than it had been before it nearly killed me and my Master had almost died because of it.  I wasn't courageous.  I was a coward.  Qui-Gon's gentle touch only made my failure seem worse.  Here was the person who always stood by me no matter what happened and I had failed to save him.

          "It is our failures that make us stronger Obi-Wan, for they give us the motivation to rise above them and try again.  You will never fail if every time you fall, you rise up again."

          With those words the dream my Master had crafted vanished from before my eyes and left me alone to consider his lessons and remember my failures.

TBC…


	6. Creeping Terror

Hi! I'm sorry that I didn't post yesterday but the day went haywire on me and I barely had time to do anything other than homework! Thankfully, today I only have a history test to study for (yay!). 

Thanks for reading!

This is another one of the parts I'm not really happy with, but I hope you enjoy it. =D

_~ Part Six: Creeping Terror ~_

Obi-Wan:

I was drifting between the world of dreams and reality when the noise of pattering footsteps brought me to a state of wakefulness. I opened my sleep heavy eyes and blinked a couple of times to clear my blurred vision. It was still eerily dark in this part of the compound and even after my eyes had adjusted I could barely make anything out. I looked down either side of the corridor but all I could see was the outline of the walls and computer consoles. 

There was no one here. Perhaps I had simply imagined the sound.

How much time had I been asleep? Minutes or hours? However long it had been I probably should return to the other side of the compound. There were still patients to attend to. Qui-Gon would be worried, even though he now knew why I had run off. I had planned on telling him of my failure after meditating and gathering my thoughts but he had given me the chance to do neither. Now I didn't know what I had to do. I was still afraid of fire and I had still shamed myself by not being able to reach past that fear to save the person whom I loved the most.

A loud creak broke the silence.

Someone *_was_* here. I looked around but nothing had changed. I touched the Force to see if I could sense anyone's presence but as with the other compound it reeked of desperation. Beyond that, I could feel nothing. 

Another set of footsteps reached my ears and this time a figure appeared at the end of the hallway, bathed in the dim light of a portable lamp. From what I could see he was a doctor – he was wearing the long white overcoats they all used – but I didn't recognize him. There had only been one male doctor at the other facility and his hair had been very short; this man's hair hung loosely about his shoulders. That meant nothing though – this was another compound which would have a set of doctors and nurses that I hadn't met yet.

I slunk further back against the wall. Whoever it was wouldn't be able to see me, hidden in the darkness as I was, so I remained completely silent so as not to alert him of my presence. I felt foolish for concealing myself but there was something about this man that didn't feel right. Why would he be here when this part of the compound was obviously out of use? There were no patients to help here. If he was resting he'd be in his room or in the kitchen getting something to eat. He wouldn't be in an abandoned part of the facility. 

The man stopped walking and set down the lamp, letting it cast its glow in a circle over the floor. He approached one of the computer consoles but the darkness prevented me from seeing what he was doing. All I could make out were his feet and part of his legs. He was wearing black boots that appeared to be caked in chunks of mud. In fact, now that I looked closer, his pants where also covered in specks of dirt and grass. Now where, in a medical facility, would he find a muddy field of grass?

He had come from outside. Something Qui-Gon had told me earlier today clicked in my mind. The Mintra had learned the locations of all the Ritnal's compounds and were destroying them by sneaking in and setting them on fire. What if this was a Mintra soldier in disguise? What if he was making sure that all the systems were deactivated in this section before setting it aflame?

I had to stop him. If this compound was destroyed there'd be nowhere to take the patients and they'd all die. Everything we had done at the other facility would be for nothing. The patients we had rescued would die anyway. My Master would have nearly lost his life for no reason. I couldn't let that happen. I was still a Jedi and despite my failure I could stop this man from completing his assignment.

Before I did anything I had to be *_sure_* that this man wasn't a doctor. I couldn't attack him only to find out that he had simply wanted to take a little walk to clear his mind and get away from all the wounded patients. After what had happened back at the other compound I couldn't make such a mistake. I had to be certain.

Slowly, quietly, I stood up and moved away from the wall. Then I turned towards the man and in a hopefully friendly voice said, "Excuse me sir, can I help you?"

The man jumped slightly, obviously startled, before turning to look at me. I knew that in the darkness he could barely make me out but apparently he saw enough for he turned and fled. 

Well, that answered my question.

With reflexes honed by years of Jedi training I jumped into action less than a second after he did. Considering the man's size I was surprised by how quickly he could move and despite my own speed I gained very little distance on him. He had run so quickly that he hadn't had time to pick up his lamp – I was chasing him in complete darkness. 

Peering carefully into the blackness I tried to make out his moving shape but I couldn't see more than five or six feet in front of me. Trying to follow him this way was useless. Even more useless was the Force for I could sense nothing besides the hopelessness of the patients and doctors. If I hoped to not lose him in this maze of darkness I would have to use my other senses to track him. By keeping my footfalls light and relatively noiseless I could easily pick up the loud metallic noise that his boot heels made against the tiles of the floor.

This man obviously knew his way in and out of this compound. He would no doubt be heading towards the nearest exit. Unless I wanted to find myself outside and potentially in the middle of army troops I had to catch him before he reached it. I couldn't let him escape – not only could he simply come back at a later time but if I stopped chasing him he would set the place on fire anyway. A fire now would be disastrous – I had to stop him.

Quite suddenly the sound of the man's footfalls disappeared. I strained my ears but could hear nothing – he wasn't moving. I let my steps slow until I came to a complete stop. Looking about closely I realized that I was at a branch off in the hallway. The corridor continued on straight ahead of me but also stretched out to either side. It was even harder to see than it had been further back in the compound and in the engulfing darkness I could not tell what way he had gone, nor could I hear or sense him. 

Knowing that if he stopped moving I would not be able to find him the man was no doubt hidden in one of the corridors, waiting and hoping that I would chose the follow a different one than the one he had chosen. How could I be sure where he was hiding?

My only warning was a very soft, almost nonexistent, slither of noise just before the sharp, pointed toe of the man's boot hit me roughly in the stomach. Air came rushing up out of my body in a convulsive painful cough. I crumpled down onto the floor rather ungracefully but I took little note of the harsh contact my knees made with the cold tiles or the pain that had already spread out through my stomach and chest. I was too busy mindlessly gasping for the breath I had lost. My throat was already sore from my previously inhaled smoke and even as I filled my lungs with air it grew raw and stung painfully. 

I knew that the man wouldn't wait for me to recover before continuing his assault and I kept my eyes peeled as I took several deep breaths to ease the stinging of my abused lungs. In the darkness I caught sight of a quick, flickering motion that I identified as the man's boot, coming towards my defenseless head.

Reacting quickly and almost blindly, I reached out and grabbed at the man's foot as it neared my face. His kick was strong and my fingers went momentarily numb with a flashing pain as the point of the boot hit me in the palm of my right hand. I gritted my teeth against the throbbing and used my weak grasp to twist his ankle around and forward. 

The man cursed loudly, his body flaying in the air indecisively before it came crashing down to the floor. I barely had enough time release him and scramble back out of the way of his tumbling legs. I heard him groan loudly as his feet banged down against the floor and judged that I had just managed to increase his anger tenfold. 

Not wanting to give him time to recover I quickly pushed off against the floor and jumped to my feet, ready to defend myself. The man was slower to react, obviously dazed by what must have been a rather painful blow to his head. If I wanted to subdue him I knew I had to take advantage of his confusion.

Stepping back to give myself room I waited for the perfect moment to strike. Just as the man was lifting his head off the ground and beginning to sit up I spun and kicked him in the face. Although I had not intended it the toe of my shoe hit him directly in his mouth. With a surprised gasp he fell back to the floor; a loud thump resounded in the air as his head hit the ground hard. In the darkness all I could make out was the outline of the man's body but I thought I caught sight of a trickle of blood, dripping out from the corners of his mouth.

The man coughed loudly, lifting his body of the ground with the strength of the act, and made an almost feeble attempt to get to his feet. He lifted his head only a few inches off the ground, apparently straining to move it further. Then he swapped his hand to the corner of his mouth, I assumed to wipe the blood away. 

Realizing that he would not remain immobile for long I prepared to knock him unconscious but froze when a chilling smile ghosted over his lips. A shiver I couldn't control ran through my body and for the first time since the beginning of this encounter I felt uneasy and alarmed. Why in the Force was he smiling and why did it unnerve me so?

In my anxiety my senses automatically honed themselves and I heard what I had missed before. Footsteps, not just those of one person but of a group of people. We were being approached, and judging by the man's reaction they were no doubt his companions. I reached inside the folds of my tunic to pull out my lightsaber and felt a pulse of fear flash through me upon realizing that I didn't have it. With the rush of events since landing on this planet I had forgotten that my lightsaber had been destroyed in the fire that had nearly taken my life. I had no weapon.

Before I could consider whether it would be best to stay or hide the man spoke; "Help!" he called out, "this young man's attacking me, help!" 

A brilliant light suddenly shone over us and I turned just in time to see a group of five men step into view. One of them was carrying a bright portable lamp that nearly blinded me and made spots of white dance in my vision, forcing me to close my eyes. 

"Please help!" the man called out again.

I blinked several times until my eyes adjusted to the light and was relieved to see that men were soldiers. I could recognize their uniforms as that of the Ritnal – I had treated more of them than I cared to count. The man was mistaken – these weren't his companions. They were soldiers that must have dropped off a wounded companion, or perhaps even a group of people, for treatment.

The man coughed loudly, "This is the one who has been setting fire to all our compounds – he attacked me when I tried to stop him."

My blood turned to ice when I realized what the man was doing. He was dressed as a doctor and the soldiers would think that that he was telling the truth – not realizing that it was a disguise he wore. 

"No," I spoke, shaking my head, "he's lying, he's the one who..."

I never finished my sentence. One of the soldiers had pulled a blaster from his utility belt and was firing it at me. Without my lightsaber I couldn't deflect the shot but I could at least dodge it.

I leapt to the side and the weapon's beam passed harmlessly by me, sailing just millimeters from my arm. Upon regaining my footing I opened my mouth to continue protesting but two of the soldiers had used the blaster fire as a distraction to close the distance between us. One of them grinned wickedly and stepped forward, swinging his arm towards me with vicious strength but not enough speed to hit me. I easily sidestepped and fell back a pace, causing the solider to stumble forward. 

I didn't want to fight the soldiers from the same army that I had helped treat but I knew they weren't about to listen to me. They thought *_I_* was the one trying destroy their compound. Given the fact that this was a *_hospital_* I could understand their reaction but not their anger and hatred. Those emotions would lead them to hurt me – I knew – I had to defend myself.

I spun in place, turning to kick the off-balance solider in the stomach, but just when my foot would have made contact with him I felt someone take hold of my ankle. The grip was weak and easy to kick off but in doing so I lost my tenuous balance and went tumbling towards the ground. In an attempt to distribute the strength of the impact I used the momentum of my fall to roll along my shoulder onto my back. My arm hurt but other than that I felt very little pain and was left only slightly winded.

As I struggled to regain my breath one of the soldiers bent down to grab hold of my clothes. Seconds later I found myself being roughly yanked up. My feet slid back against the floor and before I could try and regain my balance he used his superior weight to push me up against an unyielding wall.

The look on the soldier's face, the gleam in his eyes, was enough to tighten my throat and turn my heart frigid. He was eagerly hateful of me – bloodthirsty and sadistic. He wanted to inflict pain – on me.

I had to escape.

I surged forward against the soldier but he held me securely in place by pinning my arms above my head, crushing my wrists to the wall. I didn't need the Force to tell what was coming next; the loathing in his gaze told me all I needed to know. Even my years of training couldn't dissipate the pulse of terror that claimed my heart. I was outnumbered, defenseless, and believed to be the enemy. These soldiers were going to hurt me.

Qui-Gon had taught me to relax and clear my mind of worry but it was so hard. Their obvious hate scared me – my fear palpitated in my heart. I had been interrogated before – tortured even – but never by people who despised me. *_When you cannot clear you mind, focus on something else – a memory or a dream, perhaps._* My Master's words came back to me but I found them of little use. My mind was filled with nothing but thoughts of fire, memories of fear, and dreams of horror.

Still, I had to try. Tensing up would only make the beating worse. I filled my mind with the image of my favorite memory – my fifteenth birthday. Jedi were not given to having parties to celebrate the pacing of years but rather to contemplating their lives by examining their memories – both good and bad. On that particular birthday my Master had surprised me by arranging a quiet, study-free day. We had spent the whole day sharing our memories and talking. He hadn't spoken about missions, or training, or lessons, but about our fears, hopes, and dreams. We had shared things about nothing and everything. Talking to him that way, as a friend and not an apprentice, was a heartwarming experience that I would never forget.

I relaxed in the soldier's hold.

A movement caught my eye. The Mintra man who had been sent to destroy the compound was taking advantage of the situation. By now he had recovered and had climbed to his feet. The soldiers, all five of them, were giving me their full attention, completely oblivious to the fact that he was slinking back away from them.

The man caught me staring at him and returned my gaze with one of triumphant anticipation. I sensed that he *_wanted_* to stay and watch what the Ritnal were going to do to me. I suppressed the shiver that threatened to claim my body. I didn't have time to waste – I had to get away from the Ritnal so that I could stop the Mintra from setting fire to the compound.

My thoughts were ripped away by a small commotion of the Ritnal soldiers. Two soldiers had stepped to either side of me so that I was surrounded by my captors. One his companions were in place the one that had me pushed back against the wall stepped back, leaving just enough room for them to reach in and grab one of my arms. Then the man released me and the other two used their combined strength to keep me even more firmly pinned back against the wall.

The advantage to being held this way was not solely theirs, however. My arms and upper body were being gripped so tightly that the muscles were beginning to hurt but my legs were free. If I bided my time and waited for the right moment I could swing my feet up and kick one, if not two, of the soldiers. It wouldn't be enough to knock them out but it would probably weaken the men's grasp on me and give me the split second of surprise that I would need to break free.

As if sensing my thoughts the soldiers holding me quickly put an end to my plan by pressing their upper legs roughly against my thighs. The men were both about twice my size and with their superior strength I found I could barely even move my legs, let alone kick someone with them.

Calming the spike of anxiety that threatened to overwhelm me, I reached out to touch the Force. Despite the current situation I was not helpless as long as I could use the Force. I tried to let it flow through me but I was taken aback by the amount of sheer hatred that was slamming into me through it. The desperation and hopelessness were still as strong as ever but they were now accompanied by the loathing these people felt towards me. Try as I might, I could not feel beyond that. I was cut off from being able to wield the Force.

I was utterly helpless.

TBC...


	7. Overcoming Obstacles

Hi!!  Here's the last part!  Thanks bunches for reading and thanks for the FB, I'm REALLY REALLY REALLY glad you're enjoying it! =D

**~ Part Seven: Overcoming Obstacles ~ **

Obi-Wan:

          Fear solidified in the pit of my stomach as I realized exactly what was going on.  With the soldiers on either side of me, holding me back, it left my chest and stomach completely open and defenseless to whatever they had planned for me.  And judging by the wicked gleam in their eyes, it wouldn't be pleasant.

          Desperately, I used every bit of my strength to push back against their hold but as soon as they felt my muscles tense they leaned in even further and kept me completely pinned back.  I felt like I was smashed against the wall and I was beginning to loose the sensation in my arms and lower legs.  They were much too strong for me.

          The man who had originally held me against the wall was standing less than a foot away from me and a grin of pure anticipation had formed to cover his lips.  "Mintra scum," he spat out viciously, "you rape our women, murder our children, massacre our wounded, and then expect that by sending in a child we will let you live," he laughed loudly and a moment later was joined by the cackling of his companions, "tell me, boy, how does it feel to know that *_you_* are responsible for the deaths of more than four hundred wounded soldiers?" he stepped closer to me until our noses were less than an inch apart and bore into me with the intensity of his gaze.

          "Do you hear their screams at night?" he hissed, "in your dreams do you see their bloodied bodies?  Do you enjoy picturing the horror and pain in their eyes as the fire, the hot, ruthless fire, sinks its burning tendrils into their helpless bodies?"  With every word the man barked out I could feel his anger increasing, and it scared me, as did the images he was evoking.  

          I snapped my eyes shut.  Flashes of dancing, merciless fires appeared in the blackness of my mind, cracking and cackling at me as they threatened to consume my mind.  The man's words wrung in my mind, increasing the intensity of the vicious illusion of my imagination until fear coursed through me.  

          I was weak.  I was so weak.  I felt pathetically pitiful.  How could I ever hope to become a great Jedi Knight if the very mention of fire would send sparks of terror cascading through my pulsing veins?

          My heart leapt up into my throat and left me breathless when I felt the sharp nails of hatred sinking into the skin of my cheeks.  I struggled to pull my head back but the grip on my face only increased as the fingers dug in further.  Five points of bitter pain flared as he twisted his hand, breaking the skin but still not releasing his hold.

          "Look at me, vermin!" he snapped loudly, jerking my head forward painfully and then slamming it back against the wall.  Sparks flashed in the night of my vision and pain exploded in the back of my head, raw and throbbing.

          I opened my eyes and stared into the dark green gaze of hatred of the infuriated soldier.  "You're a monster!" he yelled, tearing his hand away from my face and showing me the blood on the tips of his fingers.  "You go around killing our defenseless and innocent, our untrained civilians, and for that we will exterminate you from this planet!"

          My face stung and I could feel the imprint of where his fingers had been.  Blood trickled from the five small abrasions in my skin and rolled down my face like the tears of confusion that I wanted to shed.

          How could these people hate each other so much?  I had spent hours helping to heal hundreds upon hundreds of Ritnal soldiers and for some reason my mind had classified them as "the good guys".  I had known from the beginning that they were as guilty as prolonging the bloody war as the Mintra were but I had mistakenly thought that they weren't *_as_* bad because of the kindness of the doctors I had worked with.  It reality, that wasn't true.  

          The Mintra were ruthless and had no sense of mercy but neither did the Ritnal.  The Ritnal didn't attack hospitals or innocent civilians but I knew they were responsible for the deaths of millions of Mintra.  They were as blinded by their hate as the Mintra were.  I could see it as clearly as the loathing in these men's eyes.  They didn't care about justice – they hadn't even let me explain the situation.  All they wanted was blood.  

          "You filthy creatures don't even *_feel_* guilt!" he raged on.  "You're a parasite and that is why, boy, it brings me no guilt at giving you what you deserve."

          I shrunk back against the wall, fear making my mind swim in thoughts of panic.  I simply did not understand how they could be this way.  I didn't understand how they could hate to passionately despite all the lives they had lost because of it.  Unfortunately, my confusion would not save me.

          The Ritnal soldier stepped forward and without even blinking, brought his fisted hand slamming into the tender skin of my belly.  I jerked in the men's grasp as the pain exploded across the skin and muscles of my stomach.  Automatically I tensed in response to the blow which only served to increase the throbbing, sending sparks of agony all the way up to my empty lungs.

          I barely had enough time to regain my breath before the fist was back, pounding itself directly into the same spot of the first blow.  This time white and black patches floated before my eyes to blind my vision as the air was wrenched from my lungs.  A cold pain rolled up from my stomach to invade my chest and cold prickles covered my entire body, causing my hair to stand up on end.  

          I gasped air into my burning lungs and had enough time to take several deep breaths to ease the sting.  My lungs felt empty, despite the air that was filtering in and out of them.  The cold hand of helpless fear had gripped my heart and chest in its ruthless fingers and that was an ache I could not rid myself of.

          Swallowing any excess pride I let myself slump forward in my captors' arms and let myself cough convulsively.  I hoped that the soldiers would become over confidant and think me weaker than I was.  Then they might loosen their hold on me and give me the chance I needed to escape.

          A rough hand tried to grab hold of my hair but it was too short so instead he settled for gripping my braid and wrapping it around his fingers.  I grimaced before the man even moved for I knew what was coming.  I tried to raise my head before he could move but he was too fast for me and even as I was moving he jerked his hand up and forward.

          Pain erupted in my ears as my braid pulled against my skin and sent spikes of pain throughout the skin of my head.  Even before my head had finished moving along the course that the soldiers dictated he released his hold.  His sudden action caused my head to snap back painfully and a wave of stinging agony flared down my neck and spine.

          I struggled to control the throbbing pain that had settled at the base of my head but the cackling laugh of the soldiers served only to increase it.  Their joy of bringing me pain was as stabbing as their loud guffaws.   

          The hateful enjoyment that wracked the men's body as they shook in mirth disgusted me.  How could they enjoy hurting other people so much?  Did they not realize that the people on the other side of this war were just like them?  Both the Mintra and the Ritnal had been misled into thinking that the other people were monsters.  In truth, they were both the same.  They were all of the same planet and had, at one time, been brothers.   Couldn't they see that?

          "What's wrong, can't you take a little of your own medicine?" the soldier in front of me snapped snidely, "As you enjoyed the screams of our brothers, so we will enjoy yours."

          Instead of tensing in anticipation of the next blow I focused my gaze behind the my tormentor and again called back to mind the memory of my sixteenth birthday.  I had learned so much about Qui-Gon as a person instead of a Jedi Master.  It was a day I would never forget.

          The movements of the Mintra man caught my attention.  Force, he was still here!  I had forgotten about him in face of the Ritnal soldiers.  What was he doing?  He was standing about fifteen feet away from us, glancing at the soldiers every few seconds as he fumbled with something.  He had a small devise in his hands, what was it?  It was cylindrical like a lightsaber but less than half the size.  Oh Force, it was a lighter – a small electronic device that could cause a large ball of fire with just the flick of a switch.  He was still going to set the compound on fire!

          I had to stop him.

          Suddenly empowered I struggled to weaken the men's hold on me.  I pushed back against the wall and surged forward but it was no use.  My heart thudded in my chest and adrenaline pumped through me but I had not managed to even budge.  I just wasn't strong enough.

          I would have to use the Force, but how?  I couldn't reach past the pain and hatred to harness its power.  But I had to.  *_Through the darkness there is always light._*  My Master's wisdom echoed in my mind, giving me the strength to try and fight my way through the devastation.   I had failed once, now for the patients, Qui-Gon, and myself, I had to do this.

          I touched the Force but this time when I felt the bitter anger and hatred that the soldiers were filling it with I did not pull back.  Instead I threw myself into it, blindly searching for the light that I knew would be there.

          *_There is a great deal of evil in the universe but there is so much more good, remember that._*  There was always more good than evil – always more light than darkness.  I calmed my mind and heart and just as I took a deep, peaceful breath I felt the brilliance of the Force flow through me like a gentle wind amidst a howling tempest.

          Now, I had to use the Force to break away from the soldiers.  I had always found it easy to Force-shove a single person away but had trouble projecting a wave of power that would send everyone within a certain radius flying back.  It was much easier to focus on a single thing and knocking them all back would take a considerable amount of energy and a skill that I hadn't yet acquired.  It was, however, my only hope and I had to try.  

          Time and time again Qui-Gon had attempted to show me how to do it but I had never been able to.  What had he always said?  *_Gather the Force into yourself and when you release it don't throw it like a weapon but let it flow from you like a river._*  For the longest time I had never understood what he was trying to tell me but now I did.  All I had to do was let go of the Force with the same gentleness that I drew it in.  If I unleashed it as some terrible weapon it wouldn't work for the Force wasn't some instrument of destruction but the very energy that surrounded it us.

           I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.  Holding the air in my lungs for a few moments I gathered the Force that flowed through me and then let if filter from my body with the air I was breathing out.  

          I opened my eyes.

          What had left me as wave of gentle light raced forth to slam into the soldiers with a brutality that surprised me.  No sooner had I released it that the men who were holding me were sent flying back in the air.  Both of them cried out, startled, as they sailed through the air – ungracefully flaying their arms about in an idle attempt to slow their flight – and careened into the far wall.  Upon landing they slid into motionless heaps on the floor, unconscious.  

          As a ripple the wave expanded with me as the focal point.  Shortly after it hit the first two soldiers it reached the one who had been beating me and the two who had stood to the side and watched.  Just like their companions they too were sent flying back against the wall and were knocked out by the impact.  

          The Mintra soldier, being the furthest from me was the last one to be affected.  Upon hearing and seeing the commotion my Force-wave had caused he had immediately frozen in his actions.  He now stood, openmouthed, staring at me with something close to surprised horror reflected in his eyes.  He hadn't realized that I was a Jedi – none of them had or they surely would not have treated me as 'Mintra scum'.

          The man took half a step back but even if he had turned and run it would have been useless – the Force-wave was much to close for him to escape.  Before he could even make an attempt to flee a startled look crossed his face as he was pushed back into the air.  Unlike the others he did not thrash his arms about in an attempt to slow his fall but remained almost stoically still until the moment his back slammed into the back wall. 

          It was not until that moment – until he was slumping down to the floor – that I noticed what I had missed before.  I had let out my Force-shove just as he was going to use the lighter to start the fire.  He had been holding the device in his hand as he fell and just before hitting the wall he had flicked the switch on to activate it.  The strength of the impact had knocked the device from his hand and it was now falling – its head spouting off a ball of fire – towards the floor.

          Instinctively, without any conscious thought, I reached out with my hand and summoned the lighter to me.  The small device moved towards me with alacrity, its flame extinguishing in flight, but my reaction had not been fast enough.  In the split second it had taken me to react the bright, burning flame had reached out greedily with its fangs of destruction.  

          The fire, eager to accomplish its purpose, leapt the distance to the wall – latching itself onto it as surely as a cat to the bark of a tree.  Slithering against the wall the tentacles of fire reached out in every direction to consume and destroy the very thing that sustained them.  As fast as a flame following the course of a rope the sea of read expanded to engulf the wall, readily moving to either side to envelop the rest of the hallway.

          A loud slap resounded in the air as the cold metal of the lighter flew into my outstretched hand, shocking me out of my thoughtless stare.  At first I had been too surprised to clearly understand what had happened – to do more than just watch – but a cold wave of nauseating reality had washed over me the moment my finger had closed around the device.  In that instant of realization I was catapulted from surprise to paralyzing horror. 

          My reaction differed from my previous encounter with fire.  This time I didn't shake and fall to the floor, unable to think or breathe.  Instead I stood there, incapable of moving, staring at the cascading mass of rippling flame.  The orange-red glow of leaping and falling colors mesmerized me in a horrifically compelling way.  I couldn't tear my eyes away.  My fear was like an ocean's tide, rising to grip my heart and soul.

          Heat reached me almost immediately, flowing forth in waves to bathe my skin in warmth.  The air was already beginning to thicken and turn uncomfortably humid due to the smoke that filtered forth to darken my vision.  I was barely aware of either of these things though.  They were background elements of a greater foe, a foe that held me sickeningly riveted to its haunting glow and insidious crackling.

          My heart pounded furiously against my chest; I could hear its fast beat in my ears and feel it pulsing through my body.  It sounded like an inescapable drum of fear, coursing thickly through my veins with the power of my terror.  My blood ran cold, turning my body and emotions brumal.  A layer of frigid sweat formed on my forehead and turned my skin insufferably clammy.  The hot air cascading against the chill of my body did nothing to heat me for this was a coldness of the spirit, one caused by fear.

          Despite my relatively deep breathing the air seemed to thin out before reaching my lungs and a slight burning in my chest made it feel as if I wasn't getting enough oxygen.  My body's instinctual panicked response to this was lost to the fear that already pulsed in my heart.  Instead of desperately trying to gasp air into my lungs I continued to stare at the growing fire, any thought of doing something never reaching past my fear.  

          My stomach and chest tightened, terror making the very muscles of my body ache.  A gripping hand was crushing my heart in its fingers, sending a shiver of fear to the very tips of my toes.  Pain swelled in my temples, slowly expanding to devour my entire head.  The thudding against my ears made me feel dizzy, like I was spinning and falling, plummeting to the earth from an impossible height even though I knew I wasn't even moving.

          Half-formed thoughts battled with each other tumultuously inside my head.  I had to do something!  I had to move!  The fire was still small enough for me to put out if I could only take *_action_*!  No, my fear spoke back.  I couldn't move.  If I moved I might lose what small shreds of calmness I had and collapse to the floor.  I might be subject to another panic attack where tremors racked my body and a cold hand closed the passages to my lungs, making it impossible to breathe.

          I had to do something though!  I couldn't just stand here watching the tendrils of fire ripple up the walls and consume the hallway.  I couldn't just wait until I could feel the flaming heat charring my skin, torturing me with its burning touch.  My life wasn't the only one that was at stake.  If I didn't stop this fire it would proceed to destroy the compound and this time the doctors would have no place to take the wounded.  I couldn't let Qui-Gon's brush with death be for nothing!

          I had to do something!

          But I couldn't.  Even for the sake of the entire universe I couldn't force myself to move with the fire looming so close.  When Qui-Gon had been unconscious and within the clutches of the flames I had been unable to save him.  My own Master.  He was the one I trusted and loved the most.  My best friend and I had been unable to help him.  He had nearly died because of that.  What made me think that this would be any different?

          People's lives were in my hands!  I couldn't let my fear overcome me.  I couldn't let them all die.  They had nowhere else to go, I *_had_* to put the fire out lest they all die.        Qui-Gon was depending on me.  Even once I told him of my failing he would still believe in me.  Despite my weakness he would never be angry, would never be harsh with me.  As much as that very gentleness would magnify my guilt, his caring was always something I would be grateful for.  He trusted me, believed me.  I couldn't let him down again.

          I had to do something, but the question was how?  How could I overcome my fear?

          *_When confronted with a situation that tests both your physical and mental skill do not think that you can do it, know that you can.*  _As always, Qui-Gon never left me.  Even when I was alone physically, he was always there.  His lessons always guided me.  Now his words reminded me of what I had forgotten.  Before, when my Master's life had been at stake, I hadn't rescued him, I had *_tried_* to.  Instead of knowing that I had the strength within myself, I hoped I did.  I couldn't doubt myself.  It was my doubt that was preventing me from releasing my fear.

          *_Fear is a formidable opponent, but like any foe it can be beaten._*  As an initiate and for the first few years of my Padawanship I had problems controlling my anger.  I always let myself be easily goaded into a fight.  It had been one of the reasons Qui-Gon was hesitant to take me as his apprentice – he had seen the same problem in Xanatos and had ignored it.  However, under his gentle, demanding tutelage I no longer suffered from that problem.  I could now easily control my anger.  Fear, my Master had often told me, was the same as anger.  It was just as dangerous and one could overcome it in the same way.  Just as I released my anger into the Force I had to release my fear.

          With a supreme effort I closed my eyes, shutting out the surging fire from my vision.  In the darkness of my mind I could still see it, the eerie glow that chilled me to the bone, but for the first time since fire had nearly taken my life, it wasn't a consuming vision but rather an extension of my fear.  A fear I was about to rid myself of.

          I took several deep breaths.  After gently inhaling the air I held it in my lungs for several seconds before releasing it in a soft sigh.  Then I repeated the process several times.  With each breath the tightness in my chest and stomach eased until it no longer felt like my body was squeezing itself in from the outside.  

          Continuing to let air filter in and out of my body I reached out to the Force.  Again I pressed on past the desperation and fear and touched the beautiful light that filled all living things.  Even now, even in this place, it was as wondrously brilliant as ever.  In fear and seemingly hopeless situations I often forgot that.  This was the second time I had to remind myself of that fact.

          Without even drawing in it the Force surged forward and flowed through me, filling every portion of my body with its beauty.  My soul expanded and floated with its power and my heart slowed its pounding in response to its gentle touch.  As I had not been able to do before I let the Force calm me until only a small trickle of fear filled my body.  However, this wasn't terror, but rather the anxiety I normally would have felt in such a situation.

          I opened my eyes.

          The fire had spread substantially.  The wall was a rippling mass of orange and red flames and the fire was quickly expanding to the ceiling and roof.  Was I already too late?  Was the fire already too big to be stopped?  No.  I could not – would not – believe that.  There had to be some way, but how?

          *_The Force is your ally in all things, let it guide you._*  Qui-Gon always told me to let the Force guide me but I still had trouble knowing the difference between what it was telling me to do, and what my heart was telling me to do.  Since Melida/Daan I had grown much more careful but I was not a Jedi Master yet and my emotions often got in the way.  How could I be sure?

          *_When you are truly in tune with the Force you will not have to think about your actions, you will simply know that they are correct._*  Well, hopefully he was right.  The Force was pulsing strongly inside me, bringing me to life with its enchanting song.  Reaching within myself I opened myself to the 'words' of the Force, tried to 'understand' what it was telling me.  I listened to its soundless beat in a way I never had before and for the first time I truly understood that the Force wasn't just alive, it *_was* _life.  In that instant it didn't just thrum through my veins, it engulfed me.

          The lighter.  The answer came to me in a flash of light and left me wondering how I ever could have missed it.  The lighter not only created large amounts of fire in relation to its small size but also had an extinguisher within it.  I looked down at the small devise in the palm of my right hand and saw that it indeed did have two buttons – a red one and a blue one.

          I pointed the head of the lighter towards the growing mass of fire and held down the blue button.  A powerful spray of white, airy foam shot out in a broad ray, reaching out towards the flames.  The fire hissed and sizzled loudly as the substance came in contact with it and seemed to shrivel up as rapidly as it expanded.  Clouds of grey smoke filled the air as the fire extinguished. 

          I moved the direction of the lighter so that it was pointing towards another section of the fire and continued to methodically put out every flame until all that was left was a thick column of smoke.   The lighter was a powerful little device and it took less than minute to quench the fire.  

          Soon I found myself starring at the charred black wall and rapidly thickening air wondering why I had ever been so afraid.  I had done it.  I had overcome my fears and now all that was left of them was the smoke that the dying fire had left behind.  I had reached beyond the terror and found the courage that I thought I lacked.  

          I had been just as terrified this time as I had been last time but instead of letting that fear control my actions I had surged forward.  For the first time in my life I had truly *_felt_* the Force, had let it guide my actions and felt the certainty in my movements.  Not only had I conquered my fear but I had touched the Force in a way I never had before.

          I grinned, unable to keep the joy from bubbling forth from me in the form of laughter.

          Now I understood what Qui-Gon had been trying to tell me.  My previous 'failure' wasn't something to be ashamed of for it had been that failure that had spurred me to release my fear and put out the fire.  I had been scared – terrified – but that wasn't a sign of weakness for it had tested my will and bravery to be able to overcome that.  Qui-Gon was right.  It had taken courage to stand up to my fears.   I had fallen but the important thing was that I had found the strength to rise up again.  

          I reached out through my bond with Qui-Gon and let my emotions flow through to him.  In response my Master opened himself to me so that I could feel his pride and never-dying belief in me.  He had felt my success and triumph and even though I couldn't see him I knew he was smiling.

          Thank you, Qui-Gon, I sent to him in a wash of gratitude.  Your lessons gave me the strength to succeed.

          I felt, rather than heard his laugh.  You're welcome, Obi-Wan, but the strength and courage were within you.  I merely showed you the way.

          My heart soared, knowing that it was true.  Qui-Gon was my friend and guide in all things and he would always show me the path he courageous followed, but the strength was mine because I was the one who decided to walk it.

The End

I know I left some stuff unresolved…like, mainly, what happened on the planet and stuff, but this story was really about Obi and his fear of fire, so that's why I decided not to worry about it and post it as it is.  I may have a short sequel dealing with what happens next and Obi's feelings regarding what he's seen on the planet…but that'll be after I finish the stories I'm working on now.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed it! =D


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